Lady Dice's Private Castle

2011-03-02T07:43:00.002-08:00

I had a GREAT day! I have missed laughing till i cried and its been awhile too...boy he made me laugh so much today. And not forgetting he forced me to eat...i have gained weight... :( i didnt even realised it till someone at work told me...but another someone is telling me not to loose weight...haiz...i guess i will maintain this figure for now....but really one of my pants dont fit me no more...haiz

And have you ever felt that you love someone so bad you that even when you are infront of them you are still very far and the only time you feel near is when that someone is in your arms....that was what i was feeling the whole week. I'm so close yet still so far...there were times where i wished if only time could stand still just for a few mins...I would have made that time worth wild...but too bad that only comes true in dream land....one can only dream for that to happen....which is what i'll be doing...

2011-03-01T06:23:00.001-08:00

Things at home still the same. My mom not talking to me and my sis being a real pain...

But the shocker was what my uncle said to me today. These were his words "You have no time already you only have time for ur wrk" I was shocked. He said that just because all the computers at his place have got a problem with it and i dont know what the hell is wrong with it. And he said infront of a friend of ours...through out the whole nite he was talking and pin pointing my mistakes. You got a problem is it when people at work all me at night. They talk to me about work. What the hell is your problem?

I love my job and it going the extra mile if it helps me in my job i do it. i tried to hard to keep my tears back....i really could not take it. I felt like ppl closet to me have turned against me and have started hating what i do....its confusing....

These days i force myself to laugh...i make myself laugh and I always look forward to people who make me laugh...just to hide my tears away....so far it seems to work....lets hope it stays that way.

Damn it's been awhile

2011-02-23T05:06:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile since I updated my blog...god almost half a yr. Well nothing much has changed. Everyone is still the same. My twin still being a pain. My mom still taking her side. But now a days I couldn't careless. I'll jus live my life the way it is. Even though at times I feel emotional, physical n mentally tired.

But I always find ways to keep my mind off things. Work is one. Work has been good cause of the ppl arnd me. Yes there are times when it sucked but there is always someone I can turn to talk. But sometimes telling too much may hurt the other party. I've been in that position too many times. And I usually hurt the only person I know I can turn too...and when that happens I find it hard to talk to anyone so I keep things to myself....haiz....life can be complicated at times and sometimes I wonder why I make even more complicated as it. Oh well, but that is liefe and no one is prefect...right?

On a lighter note....I got myself and iPhone woohooo and I'm so loving it...now I wondewr if I should get myself and iPad first or a canon camera cause my old canon camera is screwed up...and no amount of repair can help...hmmm...my birthday is coming soon should I get a wish list ready before anyone asks what I want...hehe it's see now...canon d80....iPad....new pair of heels but there is something that I have been asking for since I was 17...but I know it will nor come true....I wish that my family to go back the way it was before...where everyone sits down for meals...we laugh together...watch soccer...play cards.....guess Ive already asked for too much...

It's getting late and my heads spinning been that way for pretty long while...maybe it's because of the heat....well nite nite ppl.....

2010-08-06T23:08:00.000-07:00

Sometimes being me sucks...sometimes I feel like just ending everything I have. Everyone thinks they know what's best for me. BUT THEY DON'T! I have lost everything i have worked so hard for. I am alone again. Alone in a cold and unfair world.

Torn between my mom and someone i love dearly. If I have to choose between the two I will choose either. I would rather they live happy lives without the trouble i would cause if i am around them. I have hurt too many people in my life. I will not hurt anyone anymore. This will end here, don't you think? I have fought too many wars and I am tired both emotionally, mentally and psychically. I am faced to choose between the two. I will choose neither. I have made up my mind. without me around things will be better. People will be happier. I will just live life they way it was meant to be. If it means leaving everyone behind than be it. If that would make things better....

2010-02-18T08:07:00.000-08:00

its pretty late now. i cant sleep. Things have been rough at home. the HDB bill came and its mounting to about $7000 plus. Last night got into a fight with my twin because of this. It’s not that I don’t want to pay for the bills but not all. if my pay was freaking $4000 I wouldn’t mind.

On top of that my mom has been bugging my uncle to ask me to pay for HDB. HELLO!! which part for I dont mind paying dont you people understand. And which part of I cant pay every FREAKING bill in house you dont understand. If you think I treat the house like a hotel FINE! GO sell this house give me by money and I will disappear from your lives. And please keep my friends out of this. They have no influence or what so ever on me. Just because I talk to them about wedding arrangements and stuff doesn’t mean that I would be getting married. What else do single women talk about. You should start to worry if my friends and I talk about sex or even having sex. Other than that STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY PERSONAL LIFE! I have the right to talk to my friends on anything I want to.

And if you think that i will be intimidated by you or Uncle Din FORGET IT! Even he has no control over me. I will pay the house but all I ask for is for someone to help contribute for the other bills. Is that so fucking hard. You say out loud that the drama mama of a twin i have gives you $250. Instead of spending it on your grandchildren who are very well off. Put the money to other use. And what about the cash your eldest daughter gives you. OH wait I mean your other daughter. You don’t consider me your daughter anymore. You only have 2 daughters right? When I ask you all this you tell me what? Its your money. I have no right to ask. I give you $200 each month cash in hand. I pay for the freaking PUB bill which is increasing every month I give you money to pay half the SCV bill and mind you I buy groceries sometimes WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT FROM ME!!! You want me to give you all my FUCKING pay and I just survive with only $200 every month like did for the past 4 years. DREAM ON!!!! Even if you kick me out of this house. I still can survive. Yes it’s be hard at least it’s better than living in war zone. This is one reason why I would rather stay in the office till late night. I have peace and quite.

At times the knife under my bed looks friendly. But I’m better than that. I’m not who I was before. This time I will continue my life but I will get out of yours. Thanks you know who you are....

2010-02-08T23:22:00.001-08:00

Ok work has been good so far. Before lunch managed to get some work done. I know I owe my Sir a few more things…I’m clearing them slowly. Other than that things are pretty okay. Went for my theory test today. I went for one yesterday as well. I planning to take the theory practice but blur me took the theory test where I am not able to see here I went wrong. But I took the right one today. So I will keep on taking the practice test till my actual date which is on the 5th of March. I really want to pass and get my licenses. At least I have a car to drive later…hahaha my uncle’s car.

So far everything in life is still the same. My twin still being a pain. My mom still takes her side. And I still have my 2 pillows to fall back on when ever I need to. And I am so looking forward to something happening in 3 years time…can’t wait for it. Sorry I can’t tell you guys anything just yet. I’m sure 3 girls would want to know. Sorry girls, you gotta wait. Hehehehe…I’m kinda in a happy mood today. One was because of work and another I will be meeting someone later today. I have not seen him in awhile. And I have training today. I have decided to take up my teakwando traning. Been in teakwando for years now. I stopped for like 2 years and now I am starting again. I left my squad with a brown belt hope I can take my black before the 3 year thingy…well only time can tell.

I should and better stop cause my Sir might some in anything soon cause lunch time is over. See ya…

2010-02-06T07:00:00.000-08:00

Since the day you came along,
My life filled with love and joy.
But at the same time fear slowly crept in.
I am so ordinary, so plain
Yet you still choose me, why?
Things have been difficult since i said yes.
It’s not fair for you i know.
I have done and have said stupid things.
Yet you still said you loved me, why?

At times my mind runs wild.
Thinking of things I should not.
Is not that i don’t trust you, I do.
Its them out there that I do not trust.
I’m sorry if my thoughts hurt you.
I have no where to run but to you
I don’t want to keep things from you
But I’m so afraid of telling you
Afraid of what you might think
But the biggest fear I have
Is the fear of loosing you
Loosing you not to someone
But loosing to the things I do and say.

I cry because something wrong with me
I cry because I feel no one with me can console me
I cry because i am scared about loosing a relationship
I cry because my love is not with me
I cry because you could not understand why i am crying

These are just random words i have in my head now...I guess I should just let things be as it is and not make it worse. I shall just cry in silence once again so as not to hurt anyone. I’d rather hurt myself than to ever make him cry...I know someone of you might not understand this but than again who can truly understand unless you are in my shoes.

2010-01-23T01:31:00.001-08:00

My friends were right. Sometimes it’s a good thing to keep some things to yourself and don’t tell anyone NO MATTER how much it hurts or how BADLY you need to talk to someone about it. Cause in the end it would not necessary help you. It would just make it worse. I have always thought that I could talk to someone about things at home or about my life but I guess I shouldn’t, even though how close you are to that person.

From now on I will just keep things to myself and sallow the bitter pills life no matter how hard it is. The only down fall to doing that, is that it would be a ticking time bomb waiting to explode and when it does nor you or I can do anything. I would rather sallow everything quietly than to have to destroy a relationship in the midst of talking things out to a listening ear. I know it’s a little too late for a new year’s resolution but my resolution is to sallow the bitter pills of life and not look for a listening ear to ease my pain.

I tried to write a poem to express my feels but that seemed to fail as well.

In my garden there's a special place for you
Where you can come and chat with me
I'd love to have you anytime, be it day or night
The space I've made is sheltered, it kinda feels so right

The fountains there, reminds me so of you
The water trickling, so sweet and true
The flowers I’ve chosen, to grow along your place
The overhanging branches, will keep the sun away
That special place I made for you

But now I’ve burnt down that special place
With the things I say and do
Everything burnt to ashes
No more fountains
No more flowers
No more sweet memories to shelter me.
Tell me what am I to do
I am lost and I am loosing you

MESS UP!!!

2010-01-11T04:12:00.001-08:00

I have not blogged in awhile. Many crazy things have happened. The year didn’t start out so well for me either. Things at home are getting worse. The bills, the fights, the silence. And work. Don’t get me started on work. It has been rough. I messed up a lot of things. And something really MAJOR happened today. 9 very important and confidential documents went missing. I cried looking for these 9 documents the whole day in the office. For the first time I cried in the office. I know I didn’t receive these 9 documents but people say that they have dispatched it off to me. But I really really didn’t receive. I cried thinking what is going to happen. I don’t have the documents with me. I couldn’t find it. What will happen to my job? I cried while walking back home and at the back of my mind I know these documents are confidential and how could it have been missed placed. How? What will people think of my department now? I work in a place where people need to trust us. They need to trust that the information given is correct. But from the very start of the year till date I have messed up so much. I cried my heart out during lunch in the toilet. I just felt like I hit rock bottom. I just wanted to burry my head in the ground.

I hated how things started in 2010. I know tomorrow morning my boss will call me into his room and ask me what the hell went wrong. How the hell the documents went missing. How can one side say they have sent it off and the other say they didn’t receive it? How could such important documents go missing out of thin air? Okay he wouldn’t use the same words I use but it’s gonna feel that way in the office. I know I’m gonna break down. I know someone you might not understand what is going on. I’m just renting out…it’s the only thing that keep my head straight before I loose it. There are so many things that are running through my mind, it feels like its going to explode. A friend of mine suggested that I should take a few days off from work. But I can’t. Even if I do everyone has their plates full. I can’t give me work load to them just because I need time off from the office. It’s not fair. I guess I just got to face the firing squad. If I live I live…if I don’t…than I don’t…and I don’t mean die as in really die. In this case if I still have a job than someone up there still loves me and wants me to keep my job. If not than I got to hit jobstreet again.

jealous or not jealous that is the question

2009-11-05T03:45:00.001-08:00

Ok maybe you girls are right. Maybe I am being a little too jealous or is it that I’m insure. Whatever it is…I have no explanation for it. I just can’t help it. I guess the main reason I have is that I’m afraid. Afraid of loosing him. I try not to show it but I guess he kinda feels it. And the worse part, he and I might not be going for the overseas trip that I was looking forward to. Once reason being my mom and uncle being pain in the ass again. And second, I blew my budget this month and didn’t save for the trip. So…I’ll be stuck in Singapore haiz….is it so wrong for me to go on an overseas trip…come on I’m 23 going 24. I’m a grown women let me have my space! But NOOOOO…these people have find pleasure in making my life miserable.

I had a fight with my twin. Ya I know what else is new. I really couldn’t take it this time. She broke down my door. YES she broke down my door. And my mom took her side and said I was at fault when she didn’t even know what the hell happened. All she knows is that I hit my twin and that I’m the evil one. My uncle keeps telling me just ignore. I have been ignoring for the past 10 years. How long more do you want me to just shut up. Than again even if I do speak up I’m in the wrong again. Sometimes I feel like just packing my bag split. Just like what my brother did. But my weakness is that I cant see my family suffer. EERRR!!! Why do I have to be so nice when they treat me like shit.

Anyway work has been alright. Took leave on Wednesday to rest my leg and do my monthly grocery shopping. After which I went for acupuncture. Hehe I was like a small kid. I hate needles and I had 2 of them poke into my ankle. I thought it would hurt but it didn’t turn out as bad as I thought. I just hope after this my leg would be better…and my mom never once asked what happened to my leg. I guess I’m just a piece for cloth…when needed they use me. When not needed I’m thrown aside. Oh well, that’s life right. I hope I can hold on and not loose my head for the next ohh…3 years. After that I’m on my own…girls thank you for the moral support. I really appreciate it.

2009-10-17T01:48:00.000-07:00

Hey its been awhile since I blogged. Looks like the only time I can blog is on the weekends. That is if I have the time to.

Early in the week, things were fine. Work was also okay, starting to like it. But recently things started to take a dip. My grandmother’s condition was getting worse. And my mom, she was admitted to the A&E on Thursday. My mom has been complaining of chest pains for the past few days. I have told her not to work. But no she wouldn’t listen. On Wednesday I left work an hour early cause my grandma wasn’t doing very good and she kept calling for everyone. So my mom thought it would be good if I went to see her. Than Thursday afternoon I got a call from my uncle saying it was urgent. My mom had gone for a check up at the polyclinic and they referred her to TTSH A&E. I had to take urgent half day leave to bring her over. By the time she got put under observation I was damn tired. I thought since there was nothing much I could do and since I in a really bad need of a shower, I would go home and rest for awhile and have my twin take over my place till 11.30pm. I thought I would give my eldest sis an update on my mom’s condition. She started screaming at me just because I told her I was heading home for awhile.

HELLO! Her scan was at midnight. What the hell you want me to do? Wait there. Why can’t Nazimah wait and I go home than we switch places? But no you didn’t want to listen to my explanation. What! You think I would just leave mom there and have fun? Even though she controls my life, I have hardly left her alone especially in the hospital! Whatever I do is wrong. When will it ever be right? Wait maybe I know. When I’m 6 feet under ground maybe! I guess than everyone would be happy. One less problem, right?

On top of all this turmoil somehow I feel that I’m also loosing the only person I know I can turn when I just need a shoulder to cry on. Have had this feeling for awhile and usually this kind of feeling scares me and turns me emo. But hey maybe it’s just me thinking too much. But how can I not. Everything I do reminds me of this person. Even the places I go. Even at work. I have taken down the pictures thinking it would help. But it doesn’t. I have to get a grip of my life again. So many things have been happening around me I’ve barely had time to sit down and think straight. The only place I have now is my blog. Which even this I think I have to stop! I have to swallow all this bitterness in silence. So if I don’t update my blog sorry. I know some of you keep track of my blog cause we don’t meet up. Once agaun I'm sorry guys. Anyway I got to go. See ya around soon.

2009-10-04T06:53:00.000-07:00

It’s been awhile since I wrote. Things haven’t been as pretty as it seems. It’s been a rough week for me. Not work. Work has been fine. Well, I’m not really up to the standard yet but hey I’m getting there, I guess. Only time can tell. Though I did screw up 2 emails but I’m new and learning. I know it’s not a very good excuse but I know…I know I will get there just like how I got my diploma. I know I can do it. I bet some of guys at my work place are thinking I’m a little annoying because I keep asking about things. I hope they are not. They are actually a great bunch of guys believe me. They are different from the guys I know who are in NS. They are really fun to be with. I would not want to work with anyone else, really.

Anyway about having a bad week. Had a huge fight with my uncle and mom. I don’t why people say I have changed when clearly I haven’t. Why are people so afraid of change? I don’t change because of anyone. I changed because it’s about time. I couldn’t say anything or do anything before cause people at home say I’m useless and worthless and now that I’ve proven that I’m not like that they change and say I’m bad. Why do they make me the out cast. Why the double standard? Why just because I’m twins. Just because I have finally gotten what I’ve wanted it’s wrong. For once I wanna be happy. I don’t want to have to wear a mask every time. For once I wanna be me. I wanna stop being the girl that everyone uses and just throws away like a rag when not wanted. People tell me I should speak up but when I do suddenly its wrong. LEAVE ME ALONE PEOPLE! I wanna live my life the way I want to. I’ve got to learn from my own mistakes. I don’t want to always have a safety net under me when I fall. I want to be normal. I want to fall and get hurt. I want people to stop treating me like child. I’m freaking 23 for god sake. I’m a grown woman. In 3 years I would be married. Like or not you people will have to learn that!

Why cant people just be proud of what I have achieved and say hey you did a good job keep it up. Instead of saying that I did everything wrong when it was right. Why? Right now, I’m on my own. I have made that decision to be on my own. It’s going to rough but hey I’m tough. I will through this. And I know there will always be a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for me. Everything happens for a reason. I shall take this as a challenge to make myself a better person.

feeling EMO

2009-09-21T05:54:00.000-07:00

Sometime I feel it sucks being me…this hari raya hasn’t been very fun at all. Been emo for like 2 days now. One because it is confirmed that my re-married to a bitch. When I felt saw her I though she was someone’s maid. Well my dad has always wanted someone who would listen to his every word and bow down to him. I guess a maid would also do than. Second was when I told my mom that I wanted to go out and visit my friends. She gave me her pissed off look. HEY! At least I asked! You don even know what does on with Nazimah. I don bring home a different guy like her okay! I love Hafiz and I want to be with him. But sometimes times like this makes me feel that he deserves so much better than this. No guy deserves to go though what he goes though. Our relationship hasn’t been easy. But Hafiz has kept his cool and I’m afraid. I’m afraid of when he cant keep him cool any more and if he gets bored of me because of what’s happening. I don’t know. I feel so lost. I love him; I want the best for him. I don want to fight any more. I’m tired both psychically and mentally tired. It hurts when I look at his pictures; it hurts even more when I speak to him on the phone. I hurts cause I don’t want to loose him but I feel like I am. Maybe its just me……………this song best suits my emo feeling now...

i wan MSN and the INTERNET!!!

2009-09-16T19:32:00.000-07:00

Damn I’ve been working that I have no time to even update my blog. I don’t even have time to go online and I’ve lost contact with most of friends. And what’s worse is that I work in a place with such high security that I don’t have internet access at ALL. AAAHHH!!! I can’t live like this. I need my MSN, facebook and blog. And i’ve been warned to upload my office pictures online. On top of that my boss added to facebook. So this would mean he would know when I log in. If he found out that I logged in during officer hours, I’m a goner. Haiz….

Anyway work is alright. Pretty slow but at least I have somewhere to run to when my mom gives me her attitude. She jus did that to me 2 days ago just because she wanted to go geylang to get a floral arrangement but due to my uncle and I working, we couldn’t make it. So since she can’t go, she gives me the cold shoulder which actually I don’t really care. But what made me pissed off was that she can go back on her words in seconds. She says one thing to me and tells my uncle something else. Haiz….

And the best news I’ve heard is….there is an OVERSEAS TRIP for my department. WEEEE!!! Hmmm…where should I go…Bali, KL, Genting or Batam. I know the last one sounds a little funny right? But rest assure the department I work with will not allow any such thing to happen. And the bad thing about this trip is that I can’t during anyone with me…sad…well that is all the updates I can do for now…I will try to update my blog again soon….

WORK over load

2009-09-07T01:26:00.000-07:00

Ok work is coming up slowly but I’m already feeling the pressure cause I just had a talk with my boss and he has made it pretty clear that things are not going to be very easy and that there are more work to do. But nonetheless, I will do. I know I can and I have to. At least it gives my boss a good impression and also I have an excuse to continue my contract. Haiz…and this Sunday I have an IFTRA event where I’m the MC and I’m doing the banner design only….thank GOD. Otherwise WORK over load…

On the sunny side up…2 Malay officers can into my office and saw my darling’s picture and they gave that darn she’s attached look. Haha I so love it…one can ask if I was Malay? I mean hello you see me people in my picture gallery wearing tudong. Isn’t it pretty lame for u to even ask if I was Malay? OF COURSE LAH! And to tell you the truth people will do the most stupidest of things…sorry but I cant tell you what some people are capaible of doing. But serious if you were in shoes you’d be laughing at them too. Anyway most of my work requires a lot of confidentiality so sorry if I can’t talk much about work. All I can say is I pretty much having fun at work…ok got to head off now….this is MSO Shariffa signing out….

2009-08-25T22:31:00.000-07:00

In my garden there's a place, a special place for you

Where you can come and chat with me, cos friends they are a few

I'd love to have you anytime, be it day or night

The space I've made is sheltered so, it kinda feels so right

The fountain in that special place, reminds me so of you

The water trickling, oh so sweet, your kindness is so true

The wooden chair I made for you, I hope it feels alright

It waits for you to fill that space, even if it's day or night

The flowers I have chosen, to grow along your place

Are wonderful and pretty, a sign of silent grace

The overhanging branches, will keep the sun away

That special place I made for you, please come and sit I pray

The rain is falling gently, as I sit and dream

About my love so far away, the rain is falling still

It would have been so awesome, if she was with me now

We'd sit and watch the rain, her love, my heart would fill

Her presence by my side, would feel so right to me

We needn't have to talk, just sit and watch the rain

We'd hold each other lightly, gazing at the drops

Thanking each other deeply, for sharing through our pain

I'd look into her eyes, and she in mine would see

A kinda deep emotion, of thanks for being here

She would know inside her heart, without me saying a word

She'd know she means the world to me, with me she need not fear

It’s the 3rd day of work and things are okay…so far not much work that needs to me done. I can’t really talk about work because my boss has already warned me not to blog about work. But I guess just mentioning that my work for the day was okay shouldn’t be much of a problem. Anyway, yesterday I had my 3D theory test. Hafiz broke into laughter when he read the test paper. Than I started laughing too cause he was laughing so loudly during a test. But nonetheless I had fun last night. I spent some alone time with him jus talking about his work and me talking about my work station and how I decorated it with pictures including his of course and also with my teddy bear. I thought of getting another teddy this time a teddy with a car or in a car. He…he some of you would know why already.

My next goal is get a DSLR and than driving license than a car. Well maybe the car can wait. but if I get my driving license within 3 years than before I get a car I’m going a head with my 3 year plan. And no I will not tell u guys what my 3 year plan is. It’s a surprise. Well, I got to go…lunch time is almost over and YES I am fasting…

2009-08-20T10:26:00.000-07:00

If hugs were leaves, I'd give you a tree

If kisses were water, I'd give you the ocean

If smiles were rocks I'd give you a mountain

If laughs were sand, I'd give you a desert

If tears were stars, I'd give you a galaxy

If frowns were petals, I'd give you a garden

If feelings were time, I'd give you eternity

If words were feelings, I'd give you my heart

If friendship were life, I would give you mine

____________________________________________________________________

If you were a snow flake, I'd marvel at the beauty of your creation

If you were a rain drops, I'd lift my head towards the heavens so that I can get drenched with your love and affection

If you were wind, I'd allow you to steer me in the right direction

If you were a cloud, I'd let you take me site seeing all around the world

If you were lightning, I'd stand outside, not afraid and starein awe at your majestic power

If you were a butterfly, I'd open up the palms of my hand to ensure you of a soft, gentel landing

If you were peace, I'd close my eyes and enjoy every second of it

If you were all of these things, I'd wrap them up togetherand discover that I have found true love

____________________________________________________________________

Ok I’m on the phone with my darling while blogging. I had fun in school today and always my darling had his share of laughs. Mr. Romanzo our lecturer asked the students to look up for a piece of code to stop music from looping when not needed. He started juggling and almost burst into laughter why…because it’s a very simple code and Mr. Romanzo asked the students to Google the code. I have to admit the code is simple and I’m not surprised Hafiz started to laugh. Even I was laughing to myself when I found the code. And for those who don’t know that simple piece of code here you go…

soundObjectName.stop();
or stopAllSounds();

Fasting month is just a few days away and the 3rd day of puasa will be the 1st day of work for me. My boss message saying that there will be a lot of work to do when I come in and hopes that I can adapt to the working environment. That message scares me. I feel like I’m under a lot of pressure. And I’m scared its like taking an exam all together. but I hope and pray that everything would go smoothly and when I get my first bonus I’m getting a DSLR and no one is going to stop me. HAHA!!! After that I’m going out to snap pics for my friends and of course I got to have photos of my darlings. Hehe…

Things between me and Hafiz are okay. We are doing well. Everyone is asking me how are things between me and him. So I just prefer them to my blog and if you guys wanna see my darling pics view the past entries his pic is there. Anyway its getting late and tomorrow I have to sign my letter of appointment at MND at 11 in the morning…

Good news and full of LOVE

2009-08-18T00:19:00.000-07:00

I used to fly all over the world
Chirping along with my flock
Flying round and round and round
But now I am all alone caged here
Missing my friends and family
Above all, my freedom.
My feelings! The selfishmen never care
Chained me, wore me and tore me
My body, mind and soul their slaves.
A helpless tiny bird in hostel
What can she look forward to?
Will ever freedom come my way!
____________________________________________________________________

Run your hands through my hair
Gently touch my face
Smother me with kisses
Hold me if you dare
Gaze forever into my eyes
Cup my cheek in your hand
Trace my lips with your fingertip
Be my only desire

Hold my heart in your hands
Guard it with your life
Please don't break it
You know I can't take it
Please don't let it fall
You are my only desire
____________________________________________________________________

I’m missing you right now
Oh baby I do
I really wished you knew how much
I want to be with you
You make me feel so fine
And special all the time
Your hands are soft and gentle

Oh baby please be mine
I’ll treat you oh so right
I’ll hold you through the storm
And smother you with kisses
My heart will make you warm
I’m missing you right now
Each minute of the day
And pray that someday we’ll be close
Together we will stay
____________________________________________________________________

I official start work on the 24th of August. WWEEEEE!!!!! I’m both nervous and scared; because it’s my first time every working for people other than my uncle. And it’s like under Human Resource. Can’t wait to start. Hafiz doesn’t know about it yet. Gonna tell him today. I want it to be a surprise. Damn I hope he doesn’t read this. Otherwise y plans would go down the drain. I prefer to tell people close to me about this kind of good news. But I’m not telling my mom, yet. She will know but later. She’s gonna be asking me all sorts of question and I very “malas” lazy to answer her, especially when comes the question about my pay. My pay is not much but it’s enough for me to support my family and cover my expenses and save up for my future.

I’ve already gone shopping for my new cloths and make up. For the very first time I spent $60 on make up. Hehe… I’ve only got to get a pair of shoes and send my 3 pants for tailoring. I brought this nice purple top to match with my black skirt. That’s the first time I bought anything purple what more wear purple. But it’s a good change and I kinda feel I look good in purple. Hehe…I’m so excited to see my darling’s reaction when he sees me wearing purple. And the best part life has taken a good turn for me. I’m a little more happier than before…but fear will always linger. I have fear for a lot of things. Those who know me very well would know what kind of fears I have. Anyway, I got to end here to go to get ready for school and prepare dinner. See ya.

Fear, silence, angry...

2009-08-16T22:50:00.000-07:00

Last week wasn’t a very good week for me. Every since the fight I had with my mom she’s not talking to me and she tells my uncle that she’s not talking to my twin either but in real fact we all know which is true. Anyway, my uncle asking if I wanted my mom to come along to johor so I told him its up to him. And when he did call and she did agree, my face changed. Come on she doesn’t want to talk to me. She says I’m worthless and useless and that me living on the streets is better for her, less headache. But than I just ignored it and went along. She tried to talk nicely to me but I didn’t entertain. She was talking about talked about leaving her current job and staying home. And she said that she wanted the keys to all the rooms so she could clean them up and stuff. HELLO!! Like I’m ever gonna give my key to you. HELL NO WAY MAN! Even when I didn’t give my key to you. You broke into my room, went through my things and broke the lock to my drawer just because some asshole lost their camera and I took the blame for it. What makes you think that I would give you the key? It’s like me giving the key to hell. And she went on talking about how things are gonna change at home, that she wants to so called renovate the house and all that. Do YOU have the cash? I sure don’t. I still have to pay for my stupid load that she insisted on me taking for school and lets not forget the house situation and the bills. At the end of the day I would have nothing to in my savings. You want to renovate go ask your favorite daughter for $$$.

So just because of all that it ended up in another fight with my mom. The only time she will be pleased she when I give her ALL my salary and she can do anything she wants with it. When HELL FREEZERS will that happen. And yesterday, I was planning to meet up with my loving BF Hafiz but it was cancelled. Who cancelled it? Me. Because my uncle made plans to go Johor. Hafiz was so cheerful when we first spoke on the phone and when I told him we had to cancel his tone changed he got moody and things went down hill from there. Even when I was talking to him last night he was a little moody so I just kept silent most of the time. I didn’t want to say thing. I was afraid that if I did say something it might make things worse. The pain felt like a knife cutting my heart open slowly last night. It was not because of what he said but it was more of what I did. But I’m happy that he said what needed to be said rather than he kept it to himself and than blow up in my face. That would really scare me. I’ve always been afraid when guys get angry. Those who know me will know the reason why…Right now I don’t know what to do. The fear is eating me up inside. And the only thing I can do is wait….

2009-08-10T06:19:00.000-07:00

Just because I’m not working and you don’t see me giving you money doesn’t mean I am useless…at least I don’t ask anyone for money. I work with my uncle got earn enough for me. But I still try to do my best to get a permanent job. You think I really wanna stay home. You want me to live on the streets FINE! But remember one thing DON’T REGRET what you say when it really happens.

I’m wondering how can a mother say things like. “Sending you to school is useless”, ‘You have your ‘Jantan’ (guys) to take care of you, what”, “Go stay on the streets less headache for me”. Get one thing straight. The one who has been there to get you out of the shit you put yourself into, is ME! The one who does things to make you happy is ME! The one who does the house work, the one who clean after you is ME! You did not put me through school! I did! I took the freaking loan because you didn’t want me to use MY money in the bank. I took up a freaking loan because of YOU and the one who has to pay is ME! NOT YOU! So don’t say you put me through school. As bad as my dad was he put me through school. He was the one who financial supported me when through it was a small amount. Even with that small amount I gave you more than HALF. I had to make do with what I had and never asked you for extra cash. Even if I did I PAID THEM BACK! If you really think I am useless than fine just tell me to LEAVE and I will be pleased to DO SO! Don’t have to show you anger so that I would feel bad about things. You don’t wanna talk to me FINE! That would make my life more peaceful. Being good to the family just gives me more problems. I cook, clean and clean after you people with an injured wrist, you never once asked what happened or if I went to get it checked. NEVER! I just kept silent. When I was sick you didn’t bother and when you are sick everyone has to tend to you…when you are home everyone has to be under your nose.

When I go out I don’t use your money. When I buy my things I never asked you for money. In fact sometimes when there is nothing to cook at home I buy the stuff to cook. If that is what you call useless than I don’t know what you mean by useful. Don’t worry I wouldn’t be around for very long. Once I’ve secured a stable job for myself I’M OUT! Than you are on your OWN! I’m useless so why should I even hang around….So don’t worry your headaches will decrease when I leave…

2009-08-09T22:35:00.000-07:00

Okay from now on I will try to update my blog as often as I can. Didn’t have much of a national day yesterday. I didn’t go watch the fireworks like what I always do. Felt bored at home. got into a fight with my mom. Yea…yea…like you people have not heard that before. Well, after which I went out with my uncle to get my assignment scanned and than headed down to Bugis for some shopping. About my Hari Raya shoes and a shirt. So I’m only left with my Hari Raya dress. When I got home things at home weren’t any different. My mom showed me her black, pissed off face and my twin wasn’t around.

I felt hungry so I called up my friend Siti and asked if she wanted to have dinner with me. We had dinner at Junction 8. And I just realized that I’ve been thinking and telling my uncle that I was 22 when in fact I’m 23. I was like. Wait are you sure I’m 23. No lah I’m 22….What a blur….I don’t even remember my own age. But hey, no harm in being a year younger right…he he he

Well still have not found a job yet. Still waiting and the wait is killing me. Its more like people around me. especially my mom. Look its not like I want to stay home. Its not like I LOVE staying home or going to the CC almost everyday. One thing I know is that once I get a job 6 or 7 months later I’m getting my own rental room and stay on my own. Just like what my brother did cause my mom is pushing my to that position. What she did to my brother is what she is doing to me. But I might have a problem convincing my uncle. He wouldn’t really allow me to do it but if I explain and get him to understand I guess he would be okay. Well, anyway I’ve got head off to my uncle’s office got to help him out with some things. I promise I will try to update my blog as often as I can. And put up pictures too…

I'm Sorry...forgive me

2009-08-06T04:37:00.000-07:00

Someone has made me realise why i get into trouble at times due to what i say. Well, i tend to tell someone something in an order some people might find it hard to believe. Like for example, usually people would tell a story A, B, C... but i tend to miss out B and tell it after C. So mine would be A, C, B. As you can see that is a problem. It was a good thing a certain someone special told me this. Now i know why people dont get what i say.

And I have another feeling that he thinks I'm angry. I'm not...really. infact i'm glad that he pointed it out. And I should be the one who says sorry. I know you are angry with me. Even though its something small for you, its a big one to me. Cause if i keep doing all this and if you put them all together it would turn out to be a hill of anger dont you think...

Thank you for pointing it out to me. And I promise I will try my best to change that. I have to change alot of things. But please do give me time to change. I dont know if I'm asking too much...but I'm really sorry about how things have turned out. No one deserves to go though all this, especially you. Forgive me.....

2009-08-05T23:28:00.000-07:00

Take my hand and lead the way;

tell me all you want to say.

Whisper softly in my ear,

all those things I want to hear.

Kiss my lips and touch my skin;

bring out passions deep within.

Pull me close and hold me near;

take away my pain and fear.

In the darkness of the night,

be my beacon, shine your light.

In the brightness of the sun,

show me that you are the one.

Give me wings so I can fly;

for I can soar when you're nearby.

Enter my heart, break down the wall,

it's time for me to watch it fall.

I've been a prisoner, can't you see?

Break my chains and set me free.

Strip me of my armor tight;

you'll find I won't put up a fight.

Release my soul held deep within . . .

I'm ready now, let love begin.

by Ruth Kephart

Your eyes

which first held me captivatedwhere I stood.

Your smile

to dazzle the sunand warm every corner of my soul.

Your voice

like a sparkling mountain streamwhich flows into my heart.

Your walk

and the way your gracefulnesstakes my breath away.

Your hair

about which I dreamedcascading into my faceas you leaned over me.

Your hands

whose caress I craveto hold my facein their tenderness.

Your arms

I long to have around my neckas you pull me closeto your warmth.

Most of all

everything you arechanged the way I feel about my life.

I love you.

by Anthony West

2009-08-05T21:23:00.000-07:00

Alright its been awhile since I’ve written on my blog. Been busy with a 3 day silat competition held at Thomson CC and stuff. After the event I was sick and I’ve still not recovered fully yet. A friend of mine has been asking me out to watch a movie but I kept postponing it. Feel kinda bad for doing that but I had no choice.

I know I never really had much of a choice in my life. And to me right now it seems like history is repeating itself again. Mike had been telling me to get control of my life. Make my own decisions and all. For years I have not had the freedom to go out with my friends. And to tell you the truth that has not changed. Someone else now is in Mike’s shoes. Hafiz. I’ve got a strong feeling that Hafiz is also angry about what’s been happening around me. And I wouldn’t be surprised really. I mean come on, Hafiz and I use to meet up a lot and now the only time we can meet up is during class. Both of us are taking up a our NITEC certs at ITE Ang Mo Kio in Digital Media Design. School is alright. Hafiz is way better at design and animation than I am. He is REALLY good. Even our lecturer uses his work to explain a few things. He helps me out too…he he he….he helps me out with a lot of other things too. We only meet during in class all thanks to my uncle. I miss having my own life. Where I got out with my friends and do what a 22 year old does. It seems that everyone is controlling me. And my mom seems to be doing a very good job on that. All she needs to do is to call my uncle and she’ll get away with whatever she wants.

Just yesterday I washed the kitchen toilet, cleaned the ceiling fan and sweep the floor and oh lets not forget cleaning up after other people was well. And she calls up my uncle and complains to him that I didn’t cook. HELLO! Who the hell am I, a maid? Just because I’m not working I have to clean up after people. And people jus come home and do nothing. From now on I will just live life pleasing people and I’ll jus suffer in silence.

Another month and still nothing...

2009-05-31T22:50:00.001-07:00

Another month and still jobless. Been through interviews and still nothing. If only I get a job than all of everyone else’s problem would be solved and at least I can have some peace in my life. But no I just had to live with people who couldn’t give a damn about having a roof over their heads. All they care about it their money. These people cant give and take a little. Just only for a few months. If you wanna count every single cent. Than find. Who the hell paid the bills? Who the hell gave you the roof over your head? Who the hell gave the clothes on your back? Ya, you’ve been working but he has too. Why cant these freaking people understand.

If only I’ve gotten a job. Than all these wouldn’t have happened. If only I had just started work after my ITE, all these wouldn’t have happened. At least there would be income for the house. And everyone’s lives would be easier. Ya, it would be hell for me but hey at least I don’t have to listen to people talking about their money being used, they have whatever they wanted. They would lead a happy life and LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!!!

For that to happen now is for me to get a job. I need at least 900 to settle all the bills for the house. And than take up another stupid bank loan to pay the old man his CPF. Which in total I need at least 1000 plus to pay off everything. And the one who has to do all that is ME! Because no one else wants to pay for anything with their money. Their money is their life so therefore they cant part with it. I hate these kind of people…

vending of anger

2009-04-25T07:25:00.000-07:00

Many things are heavily left on my shoulders. It’s like I’m walking around with a bag filled with rocks on my back. It’s been 3 months and I’ve not gotten a job yet. I’m have almost given up applying. I feel like I’m lost hope of everything. Now a days I wake up not knowing what I should do besides my usual routine which is,

* Wake up
* Wash the dishes
* Shower
* Cook lunch
* Do the laundry (if any)
* Job searching

Other than that I would help my uncle out at his office. But even that is a crime. COME ON! I wake up every freaking morning doing housework. And there’s one freaking lazy ass who comes home, eats, sleeps and that’s all she does. And when I have events on Saturday or if I help my uncle out at his office. My mom calls him and COMPLAINS SCREAMING I don’t do the housework and I sit on my laptop all day. HELLO! Who the hell has been cooking and washing your laundry. Wait maybe they suddenly decided to come to life and wash themselves and the foods just happen to crawl out of the fridge and cook themselves. If that is what you think than HEY! I have nothing to say. And mind you, I go to the my uncle's office when there's no one at home. I repeat NO ONE AT HOME! I don't go to his office every day or every Saturday.

And if the moron is reading this. STOP your fucking threats. You may have mom on your side whenever you find it convenient for yourself. I maybe stupid at the game your playing but believe me will not win. You can threaten me all you want. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH! You go ahead and do whatever you fucking like. From now on you wash and you cook for yourself. Any laundry left on the sofa will be thrown into your room that includes the dishes you use and don’t wash! And to someone else who I very know is reading this. I will come over for 2 weeks under 2 conditions. 1) I have not found a job. 2) I will not eep over cause Tuesday and Friday I have training and end around 9 plus almost 10 PM. And you can keep your money. I’m not hard up for it

2009-04-13T01:16:00.000-07:00

Hard Times
In these hard times
Of unreported unemployed voices
Of ignored college graduates
Of desperate youth
As well as desperate old
In these times
Education is overlooked
Pale profit wins over ethics
Our youth gets pushed further
Further away from their hard earned achievements
Further away from their intricate dreams
In these times
Fresh bread is left behind to turn into mold
Experience overtakes knowledge
Education becomes a burden
The educated are the punished
When they should be awarded
Education is no longer counted as experience
Our interactions with one another
Is no longer experience
They become experience (in the eyes of employers) by the documentation of a paycheck
To be qualified
We must be paid to interact with each other
We must be paid to use our knowledge
We must be paid to develop our skills
When in reality
We pay for our education ourselves
And in our education in which we pay
We interact and learn from others without demanding to be paid
In the eyes of the employer
Education is not experience
Eight years of college and achieving a P.H.D.
Is no longer experience
What employers don't realize is...
Education is a full-time job
A full time job that we do not get paid for
Education doesn't employ us
We employ education for ourselves
Yet...education is still not experience
When will they open their eyes and enlighten their minds?
Education should never have to come last
But should always come first
No wonder we are behind

This would I guess sum up what is happening to me. Graduated...but still no job. Somehow what my twin said to me the last time just keeps playing in my head like a broken tape recorder. And it can really drive one crazy and somehow it makes it sound right. Maybe she is right. Maybe I am useless. Maybe I’m good for nothing. EERRR!!! SHUT UP! I’ve got to keep a positive mind. I will get a job soon. I will. I know I will. I didn’t work my ass off for the diploma for nothing…right…..

long time no update....hiaz....

2009-04-02T07:20:00.000-07:00

Wow! Its been awhile since I updated all to sum up everything that happened so…I just turned 23. yes I’m that old. I’ve graduated from school. YES! That is the one of the best bday present I’ve ever gotten. The other bday presents was a Care Bear teddy, the 2nd edition of Twlight: Newmoon a gift from Hafiz, another Sidney Sheldon novel to add to my collection…wee….and a brand new phone. The sad thing was that my eldest sister and bro-in-law forgot it was my bday and how they found out is all thanks to a parking coupon. She only found out when my sister was cutting out the date.

Other than that, right now I’m jobless. It’s a little depressing due to the position, I am at home. My own twin told me that I was useless. So I’m really looking forward to a job now. Even if it’s a temp position I’d take it. At least I would have $$$$. I’ve been going to my uncle’s office doing some quotations and stuff. Pretty cool but confusing with the different prices and the names of productions quoted. But nonetheless its good experience when I get a job. Which I hope is soon.

Oh and another thing sis if you are reading which I’m sure you are. Please stop asking me why I’m not choosing the police force. If you had noticed your little sis has changed. She’s not the tom boy who loves the police force anymore. She has turned into a LADY. Yes I still might go for training and all but that is for my fitness. So ask mom to stop asking me as well. Thank you. As for me being jobless don’t worry I’m looking for a job now.

2009-03-15T21:05:00.000-07:00

Wow its been awhile since I blogged. Well…many things have happened. One of which I PASSED my exams! WEE! NO MORE SCHOOL. But this would mean I have to look for a job. I’m just gonna start work after the 20th of March so I can relax till than. I have to find a job 1 because I’m broke, 2 because I wanna get out, 3 because someone’s not helping out with the household expenses and other people have been saying “Don’t touch her savings. Its for her marriage” or something like that. HEY! Have you forgotten I wanna get married too or am I just a wall to everyone. Or someone’s piece of rag, used only when needed and just to push me to work you want me to work in the police force. Wow amazing, look just because I like the force doesnt mean I want to do it for life. And even if I do apply doesnt mean I will get in. You still have to go through 3 interviews and wait for 2 mnths for these interviews.

And the best part. I’ve been doing the house work even during my exams period till last Friday and I just wanna go out with my best girlfriend to celebrate me finishing school and starting a brand new work life. But NO….that is wrong. I have and must be under their freaking noses 24 7. while someone else can just come home from work and sleep, eat and leaves their dirty dishes in the sink and expects others to clean up after them. HELLO! Do I look like your maid! All I wanted to last Saturday was to go down to the IT Fair have a look around maybe bump into my sister there which I did. After all that have a nice dinner at pasta mania. But Nooooo….my mom had to call me and ask me what time I’m coming home. And to pissed me off. I dont see her calling my twin. No one even knows her class timetable. No one knows when she doesnt have work. But everyone knows about me. And this was what was said during the conversation.

Phone rings...i answered.

Mom: What time are you coming back?
Me: In a while more.
Mom: HUH? You woke up late and didn’t do a single thing.
Me: Nazimah is that what?
Mom: Oh! Everything must rely on Nazimah is it?
Me: Than who’s been doing the house work the past month? Who did the cooking?
Line went died!

She hang up on me. She didn’t wanna listen to facts. LOOK you cant always have it your way. You got pissed off with Pakcik Din because he couldn’t drive you to johor for the grocery shopping. Suddenly you take my twins' side just because she bought $100 worth of grocery. FYI even I can do that. I’ve been giving you $100 every month without fail but no you refuse to see that cause what ever I do is wrong and everything the twin does is right. She goes out with a different guy. Its alright cause she’s gonna get married anyway. So from now on I will do the house chores when I feel like it. See what your other lovely hard-working twin daughter would do…you don’t wanna talk to me fine. I don’t care. You wanna act like a small kid fine. You wanna find war with your x fine. LEAVE me OUT of your wars. You fight them yourself.

just poems....nothing much to say

2009-01-19T20:57:00.000-08:00

In the end, I might be messed up,
In the end, I might not get it right,
In the end, I might love you,
In the end, could we survive?

The days I spent,
So cold and alone,
The scars wont fade,
Theres things I'll take to my grave.

Your numbers still written on my hand,
But carved in my heart,
I ache, I just want you back.

In the end, I might fall,
In the end, I'll always love you.
------------------------------------------
A world so cold you can feel it
as it touches the middle of your face
you feel fear and hurt inside
Your nothing in this place

Leaves drift from all the trees
The grass moves as the wind blows
your face feels the coldness
That nobody else knows

This place is so meaninless
I know im not okay
Im lost, hurt , cold, and in pain
i dont want to live another day
-------------------------------------
Black shriveled rose pedals lay on the ground.
Memories of our love that can't be found.
We drifted away and fell apart,no chance again no place to start.
My heart got tangled and inbeaded with pain.
The thought of not having you drove me insane.
It hurts to know ur with someone else,and you love for her the way we once felt.
I realize now that you don't always get what you want.
My heart is intangled in one tight lost love knot.
When I hear you name my heart cries to,for the pain it has for not having you.
The wind comes along and blows the pedals away,just like our love one long lost day.
--------------------------------------

i'm BACK.......

2009-01-05T00:32:00.000-08:00

Finally I’ve got the time to update my blog. Hello people. I know suddenly it felt like I fall off the face of the earth…well, I’ve been very busy with school and projects and my part time job. Someone at home has keep my busy too. Long story I will save your eyes and time of reading what happened. Wanna know what happened feel free to ask me in person.

Anyway, MR.B WHERE ARE YOU?! Another one suddenly fell off the face of the earth. Where’s my brother bear. I miss him. Hehe hehe! Well, not as much as I miss my bear though…I missing someone else too….I know that it’s over and I should just freakin move on. But somehow I forgot how. Every time I hear about that person having fun and enjoying oneself with someone else, I get frustrated and depressed. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to get over that person. Haiz….i guess as someone once said, time heals all wounds. I hope in heals mine fast cause I can’t take the pain anymore. I just can’t….

quick update

2008-11-29T05:28:00.000-08:00

Its been a while since I’ve updated and its been very long since I wrote to Mr.B…I’m so sorry Mr.B school has been crazy and I’ve been really busy with quizzes and presentations. I promise I will write to you soon. There’s so much I wanna tell you.

Anyway things at home are pretty alright. Its been lonely since my mom left for her haj. She called today and I’m starting to worry about her. She’s been coughing and she sounds like she’s having asthma. She’s seen the doctor and she said that the meds the doctor gave is helping. But still my heart doesn’t feel at ease till. It will remain this way till she comes back.

I went to sentosa with my eldest sis and brother in law. It was fun though I hate a hard time sleeping. I can’t sleep anywhere else other then my room. So I was pretty zombiefied. I was there for like 2 days and 1 night. Could have stayed there longer but I had a quiz on Friday. But it was still fun playing with my niece and nephews. We went to under water world, took the sky ride and no I wasn’t scared I was worried about my niece; she could slip from under the safety bar. We watch the dolphin show and my niece and nephews got to touch the pink bottled nose dolphin. I had a blast. Well I got to go now. I’m still not feeling well…been this way for like a week…I got another paper to study for so see ya…wouldn’t wanna be ya…he he he

crazy

2008-11-09T08:56:00.000-08:00

I know…I know…it’s been a long long time since I blogged. Well, I’ve be busy with school, projects, reports and quizzes…its crazy! But I’m still sane don’t worry. I have not gone mad yet. Hehe…ok I know bad joke.

Anyway, its 2 more days before my mom leaves for her Haj. Gonna miss her. But I know my elder sis would be around so at least I’m not lonely. Ok when I said elder sis…that doesn’t mean my twin. Maybe I would sleep over at her place once in awhile. Hey at least my cute and adorable niece and nephews would be around. And I might be going on a trip to Malaysia, that is if I play my cards right. I wonder….would I be sponsored for this trip or do I have to pay for it myself. If I have to pay for it then…maybe I don’t think I’m going. I’m kinda broke. :P

My personal project is going GREAT!! But I do have to say sorry to my partner. The project on my side has been placed on hold due to the craziness of school. But I’ve seen the drift and I’m loving it. Really getting excited! Ok that is all I can say about the personal project. The more I talk about it the more I might spill the beans. So that’s all folks….

P.S: Sofia if you are reading this…do tag me and leave ur blog url darling…thanks

2008-10-31T03:50:00.000-07:00

Its been awhile since I’ve blogger. Many things have been happening and I didn’t really have much time to blog. Anyway I’m gonna make this a short one cause I’m in a rush. First I wanna say sorry to Mr. B…I know I’ve not replied to your email. Rest a sure I will email you soon…very soon…I hope…hehe

Anyway my personal project is going well. I’m so excited….Can’t for the lunching…hehehe…and dear partner…I don’t want to be in the lime light so please don’t force me… :) thanks…

Well…my mom’s going for her haj in about 2 weeks time. Gonna miss her. Ok I know I’ve not been a fan of my mom or my dad much but I do miss them and the time we’ve had as a family. A REAL COMPLETE family. Miss my bro…too…ok so there a soft side to this tiger. I’ve always had the soft side I just don’t show it thats all. And I have my reasons why. My mom is asking me to stay home this whole week. I wish I didn’t have too cause it would be even more difficult for me to let her go. The only reason why I’m keeping my distance and always super on about training is so that it would easy for me. At least i would have gotten use to NOT having her around. And she's going for a month. Looks like I have to lock myself up in my room then…haiz…

Right, that’s enough for today…I’ll try my very best to blog soon…see ya take care.

2008-10-15T00:33:00.000-07:00

Wow! It’s been a month since I blogged. Well let’s see now. Many things have happened some of which are for the better and I like this change…everything with my personal project is coming into place slowly. I can’t wait to see the final result. I’m so excited…

Something else happened…which I kinda had it coming. It was a few nights ago. Someone judged me before even talking to me. Well...that person had the chance to talk to me but instead spoke to my friend who was just right next to me. I somehow felt like I was invisible. But nonetheless I didn’t talk to hard. All I want to do now is to prove that person wrong. Just to show that person I’m different. But I have to admit it really shattered my heart when that person judged me that way.

Oh well…thinking about it wldn’t make me feel any better. Here are some pics from my hari raya visits. Had a blast visiting my friends. Might be going again soon. But I’m not sure when thou….hehe. ok I got back to my proj now. Yes, I’m in sch. It sucks. School doesn’t open till 20th and my team mates and me have to come back to finish up our proj…

2008-09-03T14:38:00.000-07:00

Wow it’s been a while since I blogged. Nothing much has changed besides the fact that my team had to COME BACK TO SCHOOL during the HOLS. And my darling Shalu used my hand for her henna portfolio. She’s really good at this henna designs.

The fasting month is here. God I have to wake up at 4.30 in the morning….(yawn)….oh…and I got my new glasses. I look funny in them. Ok so I shld have picked the one that my uncle picked out. Oh well, for me as long I have a pair of glasses I’m fine with anything. I just couldn’t stand the pain. And my astigmatism is damn high. I don’t have any pictures of me with my glasses I’ll upload one or two by the next blog entry. For now…(yawn)I wanna sleep. Oh and about the personal project I took up. I AM SO LOVING IT. Things are a little slow but hey slow and steady wins the race, right….

Gettin New Glasses TODAY!

2008-08-28T18:57:00.000-07:00

Damn! I have the urge to write but I can’t. I lost my “mojo”. NO!!! See what too much studying can do to someone…especially someone like me. I lost my touch. The idea is in my head but I can’t get it down on paper. AND plus I’m almost blind. Yes…yes…I did say I’m ALMOST blind. Gonna make my glasses today. most likely I might be able to get it by Tuesday. I hope. I’m slight short slighted on my right and my Astigmatism level is above 300. While the left is not that bad. The Astigmatism is only about 200. My right eye is suffering the most. :P that’s the area where I get my migraines. I don’t know if it has increased or not. I just hope it didn’t.

Hmmm…I just maybe that’s the reason why I can’t write. Ok it’s not because I can see…I can…it’s just that if I read or look at the computer for too long, my head starts to hurt and my eye would get very watery. And thus loosing the mood to do anything but just sleep. My eyes get tired very easily and I don’t really like wearing contact lenses. (cause of my panda eyes) :P well… that’s all folks….

killer headache, lost my glasses and new personal project

2008-08-27T01:38:00.000-07:00

It’s been awhile since I updated my blog. Well…I’ve been busy with school and home and friends and the list goes on. I didn’t have to mood to do my project today. But I did do something about the project not like I didn’t do anything at all. I had a very long night last night. Couldn’t sleep. And I’m suffering from a killer headache.

Talking about killer headaches, I lost my glasses. DAMN! My eyes hurt when I look at the computer screen for too long. Maybe I’ll get the one with blue tinted lenses. Its suppose to be better since I use the computer very often. Well, I just hope it would be so expensive. (Bites nails) maybe that’s another cause of the headaches.

And I’ve given up calling or msging people who don’t reply to my msgs. From now on…you people msg me…you people look for me…I ain’t gonna look for no one no more. If you guys wanna go out, you know where and how to find me.

On a lighter note….my hands are itching to write again. I’ve taken up a project recently. And nope sorry I can’t tell you what it is at the moment. But all I can say is…its gonna be EXCELLENT. I just can’t wait for it to be completed…I JUST CANT WAIT….hehe

Judgement DAY is over

2008-08-18T01:02:00.000-07:00

Finally 2nd Progress Report is done. I don’t know but I have to agree with Gina, my team mate, I too feel that something wrong. I feel kinda weird too. Like we missed out something. Oh well, today is relax day. Tomorrow a whole new day. Through Progress Report is done it doesn’t mean that our project is over. Oh….no…its far from over. We still have still more to do. But as I’ve said to someone slow and steady wins the race…by gods will everything can and will be done. Just like my project PayPerContest.

We stayed up the whole night just to make sure that everything is done right with errors checking and stuff. We were worried that the server or codes might give us problem during our presentation. I stayed at the CC till midnight so that I could do the project with Aisya and Gina. It was a really a stressful night for all of us. Aisya had only one hour of sleep, Gina sleepy a 3 and I couldn’t sleep but we managed to get the codes working. Now we just need to neaten up the codes and add in a few more things and neaten up the design…AND we have like 2 REPORTS on do….

On a lighter note, the event on Saturday went well, through there were one or 2 hiccups. The performer were spectacular. It was better than the first attempt but still I can be better. Well, time for to seat back and relax for today…tomorrow would be a start of a new with new obstacles to overcome. But I’m sure we can do it.

2008-08-07T18:25:00.000-07:00

It’s been a very slow and tiring week. PayPerPost (my major proj) is on a stand still on my side. We will have to start on the design next week before our 2nd progress report presentations. Aisya has been on mc since Wednesday, poor girl is down with fever. Get well soon ok. In the mood of national day my classmates wore red and white just for the fun of it. He he he….cute right….

On the 16th of August there will be a gig/concert. For more info please check out the link under the events column on the side navigation bar. If you are interested to follow up on the gig, concerts or show that I do or would like to hire us…do drop by the site and leave your comments.

We supply lights, smoke machine, bubble machine and of course sound system.

We cater for company events, birthday parties (if u are rich enough that is) weddings, graduation nights and drama productions.

2008-08-04T21:42:00.003-07:00

Damn it! Injured my knee. And here I was worry that I would hit it during my IVP…ERR! IT HURTS!!! *cry* some of you might be asking how I injured it. Well on Saturday 2 August we had a dance competition. I was placed to do ticketing. I was standing most of the time with my girlfriend Shalu and a new friend I made that day. When the competition started some girl asked me to call the contestants done from their holding areas, when she’s suppose to do it. When I got up there I was pissed off. Some of them were still doing make up! And we were already behind time. I so pissed off that I told them if they didn’t come down in 2 minutes they will be disqualified. And of course some of them weren’t happy about it. Well, just too bad. I mean hello…you guys are not stars…or pros okay. Especially, the Indian guys. Anyway when I went up to the second bunch of contestants to come down my knee just gave way. It was like as if my knee was dislocated. Thank god no one heard my scream.

That was just the beginning of the pain. After we sold ALL the tickets, Shalu and I told maybe we would go in a watch how well they danced and at the same time stand the entrance and exit. And really these people don’t know the diff between exit and entrance. I keep telling these people to use the exit to get out of the hall but NO….they had to use the entrance. Bodoh! (Stupid) And they just had to kick my right leg when walking…OI! You blind or something. What’s worse my very first event and the police had to come down to break up a fight that happened just outside the CC. And I happen to see a familiar face in blue. He didn’t even say hi or even smile. Not like he was talking to anyone. He used to smile at me even though he was on duty. What! has time passed that you don’t even recognized your own sister! Forget about me going up to you. I couldn’t be bothered. All this time I kept looking for you but you were never interested…Oh but you don’t know how happy I was when the whole event ended. I finally could sit down. But seriously that was the biggest crowd that Thomson CC has ever had and no they didn’t have a lucky draws. Most Singaporeans would attend these events if there’s a lucky draw. No lucky draws here and all 300 tickets were sold even that was not enough some paid to go in even without tickets…imagine that…

Anyway, my annoyingly interesting Mr.Papan has gone back to Australia. Good reddens. LOL! But it pains me to admit…I’m gonna miss Mr.Papan’s witty comments. Ok I gotta go…my knee just hurts to much…

Getting sick of Radio

2008-07-31T07:21:00.000-07:00

Today wasn’t as fruitful as I thought it would be…haiz…was like listening to rock the whole day. And I’ve realized that I’m starting to hate class95, power98 and prefect10 radio stations cause they play almost the same music on all the frequencies and I’m getting SICK of IT. I have started listen to Lush99.5fm. Man, I wouldn’t be surprised if I started listening to the BBC LOL. Oh wait I don’t think I’d like the BBC either. They do play current songs, songs that I’m sick of. I’ve to so change the songs on my mobile phone. Maybe a little Jazz would help…or maybe Rhythm And Blues. Maybe some Michael Buble, Norah Jones or maybe Nat King Cole. For those of you who don’t know who Nat King Cole is…he sang ‘Unforgettable’ or ‘When I Fall In Love’ still know how….you youtube his songs…some oldies would be good. Cliff Richard and The Shadows maybe or…The Temptation…The Wonders…BeeGees….

Ok so I’m a sucker for oldies…I grew up with songs like Sealed with a Kiss. Love potion No.9 My Girl….Dream Dream Dream…these songs were like way before my time. Lol and I so love them. Oh and lets not forget Elvis…and I know a guy who can impersonate Elvis….*starts drooling, faint*. The only good thing about being a DJ and having a sound company is the people you get to meet. And I’m like his youngest fan in Singapore…lol…WEE! And the best part he sang ‘Love Me Tender’ to me...lol...thats was like the best night of all. Ok so it wasn’t Elvis himself but hey its good enough for me…I think I better stop rambling about old songs and Elvis and staff…I go on forever…well toddles…hehe

fruitful and tiring day....

2008-07-30T07:11:00.000-07:00

School was productive today. Managed to get a few things done today. Got the emailing part done, the error checking for my registration page and did a part of my team mate’s work too since its similar. So you can say I’m a pretty good mood today. Hopefully, things tomorrow would be as fruitful as it was today. But I got a feeling I might be sucks on my codes somewhere cause I might have to use JAVA. ARHHH! I hate JAVA. But on a lighter note…WOOHOO I received an email from my panpal Mr.B. poor fellow had a very bad case of food poisoning which landed him in hospital. Man…I didn’t know food poisoning could be that day. Anyway it was nice hearing from him again….

And looks like almost out of the depression phase which I was in for a few weeks. And it’s my supervisor’s b’day today. And another supervisor would be going back to school. I cant help that a part of me is very worried about the project but another part of me is confident, very confident that we’ll be able to finish it…oh well, we’ll just have to wait and see…anyway I have to ink off here, damn tired today surprised that I even managed to get my codes working even though I’m damn sleepy……

P.S: Zack…get well soon dude and if you’re gonna wear a cast…I wanna sign it too….lol

life firing....

2008-07-24T05:20:00.000-07:00

Presentation was like a life firing around for my team. Gina died. Aisya and me still standing but deadly wounded. Even before the presentation I was having headaches and felt dizzy and my mood swings were getting worse and unpredictable. When I got home another life firing round only diff is they use a silencer so you wldnt know what hit you.

So much to do yet so little time and knowledge. Haiz…all we can do is that it one step at time…take baby steps. First I wanna sleep. Got a lot of work that needs to be done tomorrow…I don’t know how long I can survive before I break as in really break.

Slient Screams NO MORE!

2008-07-23T02:24:00.001-07:00

I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me today. Been feeling lost for the past few days. Been moody it’s like I’ve goine mad. I thought the trip to Desaru, Malaysia would help me clear my head so that I could get back on track, well I was wrong. It just made everything worse. Thanks to the people around me. I tried; I tried to make them happy. I tried my best but yes I failed. I failed to be the daughter and the person you people want me to be. I feel so freaking messed up. I even messed up my codes and the project presentation. And my supervisors are kinda pissed with me. I need time…a really long time to get things straight. I tried to ignore. People have been saying…”Stop running away from your problems”, “There’s nothing much you can do but just ignore and do what’s right”, “life has to go on, just do what you can and leave the rest to God”. I can’t do all that when people around me are pushing me to the edge. Each time I do something right or wrong I get shot down. It’s bad enough that I’m being torn apart by the people closet to me. Now I’m being stabbed in the back and kicked aside….EEEERRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just wanna go somewhere and just scream and cry everything out. I wanna stop wearing masks just to make people around me happy. I guess it’s time for me to be me whether anyone likes it or not…I’ve cared for people till the point that I get hurt. That is now going to stop. The masks are coming off. I don’t give a damn about anyone anymore. I’m gonna start doing what is right for me and what is right religiously. Say what you want. Do what you want. I don’t give a damn. From now it’s me, myself and I.

poems that express how i feel

2008-07-22T05:58:00.000-07:00

He's walking away from me.
His back is tense, and I know he's angry with me.
I suppose he's got a right to be angry.
He's looking back at me now with that look in his eyes.
The look that says I've disappointed him again.

Cursed never to smile
Never to laugh
Never to feel happiness
It’s my fault
Blame me
It’s me I say
No one else
I’ve been cursed
I am cursed

Pain Of The Night
by Sweett
Watch as this tear falls into empty space
See it fall into life's nameless place
Can you see the sparkle as it catches the light
That sparkle once was happiness that is no longer in sight
As it falls watch it, its color has changed
From blue to bright red, it has a wide range

There it goes all alone, it continues to fall
With it, it takes the emotion, the emotion of all
Wait, can you hear it? A sob has broke free
Has shook the lungs cold, but yet it continues to be
Here it comes, a force has been built between the eye
A wall of shear water, it's now time to cry

A shudder, a scream, darkness envelops your soul
The darkness of the night has taken its toll

Annoyingly interesting fellow....

2008-07-20T09:19:00.000-07:00

EERR!!! I so hate my supervisor right now! That annoyingly interesting fellow went to change the password of the server and I can’t upload my work or do anything for that matter. I was in the middle of coding and he changed the password. And his reason. Go get rest and get a life. Ok so fine! I don’t have a life. Well…I do have a life life but not a social life. Unless YOUwanna be part of it otherwise just let me do my work... I know some of you might be thinking, he’s right. Ok he IS right. But I don’t care. I do coding when I have the mood. And I have the urge to code, NOW!

I’m the kinda person who can’t just sit in a stupid freezing lab just doing coding. I like to move about…I hate being restricted…no watching movie…no radio streaming…no games…no slippers during office hours even when you are outside the lab. I’m the kinda person who plays games and suddenly finds a way to solve a certain problem. Cause even though I’m doing something else I’m thinking of how to solve my coding problems. Like this evening, I was in the shower and suddenly I had an idea of how to write a code to email 3 different people and staff. And when this happens I have to start working on it immediately otherwise I’d forget. And the other time when Aisya kept asking me to do my work but I kept playing games. After a while I managed to get my codes working.

EEERRR irritating supervisor. I know he means well. But coding is addictive. When you start on it and your codes work, you’ll continue doing it. And of all people he should know that. Haiz…forget it. It’s unless, he’s the kinda guy, once he has made up his mind nothing can change it….oh well….Sidney Sheldon here I come…..

looking outside the box....

2008-07-17T18:46:00.000-07:00

Had a chat with someone last night. Had pretty horrible night last night when I got home. My mom started screaming at me again due to something I DID NOT say. The only thing I can do is to ignore her. Life still has to go on, right? Someone mentioned to me last night that I was narrow minded. Am !? And that someone also told me to stop looking deep into the box and start looking outside the box. As irritating that person was last night, that someone had a point. I have to stop looking deep inside and start looking out. But I’ll start small first and slow I guess slowly change things. Haha….looks like I got to do some soul searching and at the same time stop all my bad habits as well……

At least I feel a little better after chatting with that someone even though it was annoying. Surprisingly, I always kept giggling throughout the conversation…haiz…but please lah stop with the you know what…. But I guess that someone just wouldn’t get enough of it…. and that someone asked me to grow up….

feeling like the oracle twins from The American Dragon

2008-07-14T19:25:00.001-07:00

Received a piece of bad news last night. My best friend, Jason’s father just passed away yesterday morning. I was shocked to read his message. I thought it was some kind of prank. Hey, I do get pranks like this ok. I feel bad for him. He messaged me last night but I could say anything or do anything to make him feel better. Felt bad…so 2 of my friends and I are going to visit him even though I hate funerals.

Since, I received Jason’s message last night while I was on the way home with my uncle, like always my uncle started talking about death even he knows I hate talking or listening about it. Ok fine, I know that people have to go some day but I just don’t want to think about it. It’s the same thing as you not wanting to know that you’ll eventually will lose someone close to you. And lately, I have nightmares about the people around me. And for the first time ever, one was about my dearest eldest sister. I woke up crying. Thinking why I’ve been having these dreams. Before it use to my friends and suddenly the dreams have become closer to home. I know some of you would say, it’s just a dream and it’s nothing. The Malays have this saying that if you dream about something between midnight to 3 in the morning, there could be a possibility that the dream would come true. And if I’m not wrong the Chinese have a saying if you have a bad dream you should tell it to someone so that it would come true. Most of mightmares have been about people around me dying. Suddenly I feel like the oracle twins from The American Dragon, where one would only predict the negative side of your life and the other the positive side……

TRIP TO DESARU

2008-07-13T04:05:00.000-07:00

I’ve finally made up my mind. I’m not going for my tournament. Yes, yes I know. For someone who love training and beating someone up senseless it must comes as a surprise. Well, I thought I would put any tournaments aside for now, at least till I end my project. I'm so gonna get hell from my couch Instructor. Hey, school is more important to me now. A part of me doesn’t wanna go to school tomorrow. But I have to face it sooner or later and being me I prefer sooner. Got a feeling from Monday onwards its gonna be rough ride for my team and me. But our supervisors are helping us out where and there. Thanks guys. Really appreciated it. Oh, i dont cry alone in the dark just because of project stress...ok.

Man, I thought the trip to Desaru, Malaysia was this weekend. And here I was hoping to have fun before I start cracking my head. Oh well, next week it is then. Hope I get to borrow my friend’s camera. Wanna take some pics and maybe if I have the time, I’ll upload them for ya. But I think I might have to put my photo editing project on hold. i know some of you might think that the trip sounds like what old people would go. Hell, no...we have a very supporting group of people gonna and my girlfriend Siti and I are 2 of those people. Just having the 2 of us on this trip would make the whole trip crazy and fun....lolx

Anyway, if anyone out there is interested in the TRIP TO DESARU. Please collect your forms from Bishan RC or for those who have my number just call me.

Time: 7am – 9.30pm

Activites: Raw Honey Tasting, ostrich farm visit, fruit farm visit, shopping at Angsana (don’t know if I spelt that right)…etc

Price: S$55 (members)
S$58 (non- members)

Breakfast on your own expense
Lunch is the traditional kampong style. (FOC)
Dinner is traditional kampong style seafood. (if i'm not wrong and FOC as well)

2008-07-11T19:42:00.000-07:00

Fear running through once again. And you guessed it, it’s the project my team is working on. We’re starting on something new. When I heard what Alvin wanted Aisya and I looked at each other with the “YA ALLAH! Susahnya” translated “OH GOD! That’s difficult” faces. But the both of us are keeping a positive mindset. (I juts don’t know how long mine can last) I’m the kinda person who leans more on the pessimistic rather then the optimistic side. While Aisya is the “We are do it, Come on!”

On top of the project stress, my mom is going for her Haj this November. Ok I have to admit no matter what my parents put me through especially about the house and money staff, Deep inside, there’s a soft spot for them even though I’m rough. Things at home haven’t changed much. Still the same old things, my mom complaining about my dad and money and bills. Then there’s my twin who just creates trouble for herself which would trigger my mom screaming. Home was once a place that I would run to…but now a days even my room has no privacy sometimes. Now that my mom would be away for 1 month, I’ve got to do most of the house work. Like cooking, laundry, sweeping the floor while my twin enjoys herself and comes home late every night, just like what she’s doing now. I’d mostly run to my sister’s place one in while and sleep over. The only problem is that I have events that go late into the night and I go to the CC. Not sure if she’d like that. Oh well, we’ll just see what happens when the time comes.

Do comment on the pics....

2008-07-10T01:02:00.000-07:00

i'm so gonna get a very loooonnggg lecture after this post from the two dudes in the pic. Cause the background was taken from the dude on the left's friendster while the main pic was given to me by the dude on the right 's ptgf...but what the heck its worth it.

my two supervisors

Did 2 more but somehow the last one always turns out the best...and its the one above

hidaya's was the first and Aisya's was the second

p.s: Mind you I did this during my lunch break NOT during 'office hours' thank you

Formal Wear...?

2008-07-09T20:21:00.000-07:00

Darn it! I might have to wear something formal next week to school. No..I’m not having a presentation. I would be meeting some clients with my uncle next week for some kind of event. One thing I hate is working with the pure Arab guys. No offence but they are one fussy bunch of dudes. The last time we did an event for them they said I was deaf. They kept on complaining to me that the monitor speaker had no sound. But when I stood in front of it I would hear it perfectly well. In fact one can go deaf just standing in front of that speaker. And they added an extra instrument last minute without telling us in advance. Hello, we bring what you want…it’s not our fault that we can’t cater to the last minute staffs. But since my uncle and I have preferred to be safe we usually would bring extra cables. Even then, they are still not happy. This time around since my uncle has placed me in-charge for this ‘project’ I’m gonna make sure they get a few things straight. We will only cater to what you want. No last minute non senses. And there is no difference between my uncle and me. Both of us are dedicated to our job. And if you don’t like a girl doing this job then say so. I have a feeling they don’t really like a girl to be around. I guess it’s the religious thingy. Oh but I have “hats off” to the Arab guys who can sing will. I love to hear them sing. They have voices of angles though they can be a pain at times.

Anyway, no changes on my codes. I can’t get one of the codes to work. I’ve even asked for help in forums. But still nothing…and I want to finish these pages by today. Got a feeling Shah’s has started to put some pressure on us to finish the project. That same feeling of fear that I had when he asked “So can you guys finish the project?” is back. I don’t know why thou…but I have confidence in my team. *starting to pray hard….REALLY hard*

Story of Sherk and Puss in Boot or was it Donkey?

2008-07-08T22:55:00.001-07:00

Great once again its bully Shariffa Day. I’ve been bullied by both my supervisor…Alvin and hmm…shld I mention his name...ah what the hell, Shah. Ok now that’s a story to tell. Shah is my so called my 3^rd supervisor. An okay guy who’s studying in Australia majoring in Computer Science. The first time my team and I were introduced to Shah I was like oh god another supervisor…I wonder if the fierce kind. He sure had the look. I knew for sure that somehow he would ask me a question that I didn’t know what to answer. And yes he did. “So do you think your team can finish the project?” Cat caught my tongue and all I could say was “I have no comments”

There was another incident where I look like a total idiot. Lol. Shah came down to help us out with our codes. It happens that Gina had a forum so I thought I would help her out with her codes since mine were done. When he was working on Gina’s codes with me…at first I was alright. But when he asked me to type the codes, my brain went to auto shutdown mode. And I’ve been typing these codes, god knows how many times. And my brains just went blank. Don’t ask me why, cause even I don’t know why. I felt like a total idiot at the end of the day. Well, maybe it’s due to stress or maybe cause I’ve had a lot on my mind. On Monday I thought hey why don’t I try chat with Shah and really find out if he’s that fierce as I thought he was. He was the freaking opposite. Ok I know that all of us had lunch him and Alvin the other so I should have knew what kind of person Shah was. Well I wasn’t paying attention.

Anyway he and Aisya ended up bulling me. So I guess I shouldn’t judge the book by its cover. So I guess my supervisors are fun dudes. Actually I gave them nicknames.

Alvin = Shrek (he looks like Shrek..)

Shah = Puss In Boots (because of his wits)

P.S: Aisya said why not refers you as Donkey at least I’m nicer I call you Puss in Boots

2008-07-08T18:23:00.000-07:00

First and foremost I wanna say sorry to my team mates and my supervisor, cause I wasn’t able to follow you guys for the movie last night. Hope you guys had a great time. And Alvin I hope you got want you wanted..he he he.

Last night’s training was hell. Someone just had to be a sore loser and take revenge and kick my knee…bitch. The score was 1 all…come on if you wanted to win the bloody match just tell me. Didn’t have to kick my knee, than call me a sore loser. Hello, do I have to out a mirror in front of you to help you see who the freaking sore loser was. Anyway, I have lost a few matched but hey that’s part of being a sportsman, right? Now, I had to bare the pain in my knee, thanks! Oh and damn, I have to lose 3kg in….OH….3 days. Last night was the weighing in for my tournament and I’m 3kgs heavier than the category I was in before. Looks like I’ll be on a diet. This would be my last tournament before I ‘retire’ from my taekwondo career. Hahaha. I will still be training till I finish school. Ok, maybe, just maybe I would continue after I grad. We’ll see how things go. For now, I better get myself ready for what’s about to come. I so hope that I can take part in this tournament…

An attempt at photo editing again...

2008-07-02T23:51:00.000-07:00

Haha I was trying out my photoshop after so long…and yes I know it’s not really that good. I’m using the newer version of Photoshop so I got to get use to the tools. I’m gonna start photo editing again. The last time I did photo editing was a year ago. After a year of not doin, I get this….haha

Kamelot - Ghost Oprah

2008-07-02T00:40:00.000-07:00

Once a while
When your sorrows have a name
And day is dark as night
No remorse and no redemption
Close the door
Can you hear the crowd is waiting
For the last encore
Screaming out for my attention

Chanting my name

Welcome all to curtain call
At the opera
Raging voices in my mind
Rise above the orchestra
Like a crescendo of gratitude

This is my song

Like the dead
I am on the other side
Their howling in my head
No remorse and no redemption
Hush my dear
Let the music fill the night
And soon it’s all we hear
Screaming out for my attention

Chanting my name
Chantimg my name

Welcome all to curtain call
At the opera
Raging voices in my mind
Rise above the orchestra
Like a crescendo of gratitude

Don’t wake me until it’s over
I, I may be dreaming awake

Chanting my name
Chantimg my name

Welcome all to curtain call
At the opera
Raging voices in my mind
Rise above the orchestra

Welcome all to curtain call
At the opera
Raging voices in my mind
Rise above the orchestra

Tell Me Your Dream by Sidney Sheldon

2008-06-30T01:49:00.000-07:00

Finally I’ve finished another of Sidney Sheldon’s great books. I love the way he writes. Ok I said the way he writes not the contests, ok. There’s a difference. Just wanted to make it clear especially to those who do know what kind of books he writes. The book a borrowed this time round is titled “Memories of Midnight”. The last book I read was “Tell Me Your Dreams” it’s about this lady by the name of Ashley who suffers from split personality disorder. One can develop a split personality due to trauma. Ashley was raped by her father and due to that trauma she developed 2 more ‘personalities’ in her. Tony who was born in London and Atte I think who was born in Italy. Tony was the wild, fun, anger side of Ashley while Atte was the shy, quiet and tends to shy away from human affection. Both have 2 things in common. Tony has a talent in singing while Atte loves to paint. Tony had always been the stronger one, full of hate and anger. And all this while Ashley didn’t have any knowledge of what was happening to her. Ashley fell in love with the star of the football team back when she was in college but her father didn’t like that fact they were seeing each other. So they decided to elope on their graduation night. That was the same day that Ashley’s father enrolled her in a university in London. That night she ran to Jonathon’s place planning to execute their plan to elope together (the star football player). She thought he loved her but infact he wanted only one thing. History repeated itself and Tony came in and she killed him.

The same thing happened to the all the guys who did that to Ashley. After the 4th murder Ashley was found guilty by the State of Virginia. But the problem was that, for one to commit murder, there has to be motive and the murder itself. Ashley didn’t have the motive of kill anyone in fact the other 2 victims were unknown to her. Tony and Atte knew the other two victims. It was not easy for Ashley’s lawyer to prove her not guilty and get her the right treatment she needed instead of a death sentence. Because some states in the US don’t not know that this disorder really existed. But in the end she got the treatment that she needed and she lived a normal life again.

Ok there is no moral to the story and NO I’m not tell you it’s ok to commit murder and then pled insanity or say that you suffer from split personality. They have a way to know if you have a split personality. Hmm…I just wonder if there have been such cases here in Singapore… *walks away thinking*

2008-06-26T02:30:00.001-07:00

Things in school are really scaring me all of a sudden. Meet up with our supervisor, Alvin Phang and another guy named Shah. I guess he’s suppose to help us but it’s more like scaring us. Now we have daily reports. Not forgetting our codes and minutes of meetings. ARHH!!!! Good thing Gina’s doing the minutes. But still what Alvin and Shah are asking for is scaring me. I’m praying real hard that we’ll be able to finish it. Shah asked me a question “So do you think your team and finish the project?” and I was like tongue tied. I didn’t know what to say. Fear ran through my mind. I was thinking to myself. We are here trying to solve the errors in our codes and he just had to ask that question. He had a serious look on his face. All I could say was I have no comments. I can’t say that we can and I can’t say that we can’t. I fear that if I said we can’t, it would give a bad impression but if I say that we can, he would want to add more things. For the first time I feel fear for my project. And during lunch with Alvin, Shah and my team, I tried to change topic and played happy tunes in my head. I was drinking a lot of water as well. And Gina noticed it. I don’t know why I felt that sudden wave of fear...

On to light tone…I managed to finish book one of Sidney Sheldon’s “Tell Me Your Dreams”. I was freaking addicted to the book. I found myself reading in the bus, in the lab before i sleep and as I read on I wanted to read more. And I kinda freaked myself out. I don’t know why that happened…haha maybe it’s my imagination. From the looks of it..i might be able to finish the book by this weekend....haha...

another good news is that another one of our pages is WORKING!! And the problem was only with one line! Sigh! Thanks Aisya for troubleshooting it for me. And i want to complain...My stupid PC IE Broswer is not working properly. The codes that Aisya got were the same one i was working on and thanks to my IE broswer that kept prompting me the wrong errors messages, my codes kept getting changed cause i kept thinkin there was something wrong with my codes....ARRGGGG!!! oh well...got FireFox now so...things should be okay....GTG i wanna read my Sidney Sheldon...see ya...

2008-06-24T17:48:00.000-07:00

Ok got a feeling that today would be a pretty busy day for me due to our project presentation yesterday. We really need to start working on the codes. Well I have to start working on the codes, not that I’m not. From what my teacher said yesterday. There’s still a lot to be done. Come to think of it we are not even half way through. I’m not sure what my other team mates though; they might have a different view.

I really need to start writing again. I miss writing my stories. I use to have ideas every minute. Now a days I’ve got a major writers block. No ideas at all. I wanna start writing again…I miss sitting on my lappy typing away. The other thing I have been doing is reading Sydney Sheldon’s books. I’m so addicted to them. I love the way he writes…and I’m hunting down all his novels…he he he. I hope to get inspiration for my new stories...i gotta go…need to start on my proj now…see ya.

2008-06-23T18:03:00.000-07:00

Ok I got a new hair cut last Sunday…kept the length but I trimmed and thinned my hair. Looks a little better most of my friends who saw said that I looked better. At least I don’t look like a lion in the morning…thanks girlfriend. Lucky you’re my girlfriend otherwise…anyway school…now let’s see…not much improvement on codes. Our client came down yesterday and he helped us a little…ok A LOT. So sue us. PHP coding aint easy okay. Plus it’s a totally new programming language for us. But I have to say PHP language is much easier than JAVA but still its difficult. So you can imagine who much we had to suffer just to do JAVA..hahaha…

Was home late last night. Had to help my uncle fixed up his wireless connection at the CC. And he said he’s a quick learner. I can bet you he will call me up to night and ask me what his password and username to his wireless account…haiz…I swear I’m and over worked and underpaid..wait NOT PAID personal secretary.

Do you know ME?!

2008-06-22T23:18:00.001-07:00

Take My Quiz on
QuizYourFriends.com

2008-06-18T20:54:00.000-07:00

Ok I know I wished to stay home but I didn’t wish to be SICK….! All I wanted was to stay home. Next time when I make a wish I got to be more specific. If only I had a genie…haha. Yes..yes..i was watching Aladdin. Oh well…anyway my throat still hurts. Lost my voice. Let’s add in headache, flu and cough to the list as well. I don’t know how I got sick. All I remembered was coming to school on Monday feeling a little tired. After that lunch I just felt like throwing up…I thought I had food poisoning or something. The next morning. I still went to school. My body felt weak. It got weaker by the time we were suppose to clock out. Had to meet my uncle at the CC to fix up his PC. That’s when my body couldn’t take it and my knees gave way. I couldn’t stand. According to my uncle my face was white as sheet. He sat me down and gave me a hot glass of water. After awhile I felt better but still weak so I decided to take MC for 1 day but I got 2 instead. Feel kinda bad leaving my project team to work on the project alone. My supervisor was suppose to give a software to install in our PCs but I guess he forgot it…

Well…got to go. the meds to took is making me very sleepy…I better get some sleep. I better get well soon…

2008-06-17T01:57:00.000-07:00

DAMN! My blog is worth much more then Alvin Phang's GatherSuccess...he's my 2nd surpervisor....hahaha HOW COOL IS THAT! Sigh...if only it was true...i wld be RICH

2,005,030

How much money is your blog worth?

2008-06-15T18:02:00.000-07:00

Damn sleepy today thanks to coming home late last night. When to Johor with my uncle to top up patrol. You know how we Singaporeans complain about the jam due to Johor’s checkpoints. Now its Singapore who’s taking such a freaking long time. The jam is now on Singapore’s side which I find stupid and not necessary.

Anyway, my buddy Suzy just got engaged…one by one my friends are tying the knot. I wasn’t surprised that 3 of my other ‘friends’ who came for the wedding didn’t talk to or even acknowledge that I was there. But hell I don’t care. I can always make more friends to replaced them. Talking about my friends, I had to get my darling Siti to do my make up for me. I’ve become a total idiot when it comes to make up. I’m better at fixing up a PC then wearing makeup and I’m A GIRL! My darling is the opposite. She’s knows nuts about fixing PCs but she an expert on make up so we decided to teach other. I guess what my elder sister said a month back was right. I’ve become nerd, a book worm. She was the book worm at home not ME! But I guess I took over that position... I mean come on, you hardly see me reading a book at home. My brother in law asked about a certain movie the other day and I replied ‘just read the book lah’. And I’m the kinda person who doesn’t care if the movie became out with a book or if it was based on a book. I’ll still watch the movie. What has poly done to me!! Have I really become a book worm…or have I become a nerd…you judge and tell me.. tagboards to your rite...

P.S: Don’t mind the spelling errors or grammer. I’m damn tired….had only 3 hours of sleep last nite

2008-06-12T00:16:00.000-07:00

Ok I might have to go on a diet very soon. I’ve been eating a lot and I mean a lot. I so need to diet man! Anyway, I just wanna ask one question. Must there be a special occasion for someone to wear a traditional dress. Yes I wore my baju kurong(traditional malay dress) almost everyone is asking me what’s the occasion. I think I should be wear it more. I’m getting tired of waking up in the morning and figuring out what to wear to school. Usually I’d just wear jeans and a t-shirt but I tend to wear the same thing over and over again for a month as in I’d wear the same kinda jean and shirt 4 times a month. Its like Monday I’d wear blue, Tuesday pink and so on and the next week it would back to square one. Monday blue and Tuesday pink. You get the flow? Anyway, haven’t had the mood to concentrate on my project because I’m on a holiday mood. My darling Siti is coming back from KL today. The night before she left we hung out together till about 10.30pm. We chatted, took pics and have durian (local fruit) it was fun. We chatted about school, guys, life, anything and everything under the sun hahaha. Can’t wait to do it again. It’s really rare that we get to do this. Both would be busy with school or work. and can you image I cut my left hand ring finger while I was trying to open a bottle of COKE! A BOTTLE OF COKE! A PLASTIC BOTTLE! And still hurts since yesterday.

2008-06-09T22:03:00.000-07:00

Life is taking a dip for the worse. My mom AGAIN! is not talking so whats new right. And all because of she thinks I’m angry with her, FINE! But please don’t try to make things better after stabbing me like that. You’ve taken away the only person who I can talk to. The person who will never shoot me down even before the conversation starts, my uncle. I feel like I’m losing everything I once had. I’ve lost my laughter, my smile, my will to push for success, the pillar of my strength, everything...

I’m done with trying.
I’m done with smiling when I’m in pain
I’m done putting masks, just to make others happy
I’m done with fighting, for myself
I’m done with proving people wrong
I’m done hiding
I’m done with LIFE

2008-06-07T15:24:00.000-07:00

ok before i start my entry...got a feeling there is something wron with bloggers time and date cause my entries are one behind the actually date of publish. So if it says Monday that means the entry was publised Tuesday and forget about the time.

So once again I’m on the verge of just hitting my twin! But I’m holding back again. Who the hell does she think she is? All she cares about is herself. This morning my mom and her went for a little fieldtrip organized by Bishan RC zone 5. It’s a Saturday, my sleep day. A day I wanna stay home. Why can’t they leave alone? When I go out to watch a movie with my friend, she screams at me. When I wanna stay home she screams. Do I really have to stay under her nose everyday of my entire life? And everything I do is wrong. So what if I don’t wanna go. Is that so wrong? And last night my dad gave $100 as usual but he had an overdue bill which was $105. I came home late and tired due to training. When I got home my dad asked me for the bills which got me thinking. Why did he ask me for the bills when my bloody twin was at home. What, is he trying to tell me something?

Anyway I showed him the bills. He asked for the Power Supply bills. I knew that my mom paid for them already. He asked if it was paid for so I said yes. Knowing my mom she would tell me to say NO. What am I suppose to lie when the prove is there. So in replied he said since the Power Supply bills have been pain for, $100 he gave to my twin would be for the overdue bill of $105. So that case was closed. My mom over heard the conversation last night. She just couldn’t wait till the next morning. So when I told her I’ll tell her tomorrow. She got pissed off. I mean come one, I’m dead tired and a very long bad day in school and she wants to drive me up the wall about money. When I come home, that would be only think she talks about money, money, money and BILLS. She doesn’t like it when I ask her for my cash but its ok for her to talk to me about the cash and the bills when I come home from school. Mind you I just step into the house and she starts talking. And the best part she’s got my uncle on her side. Now she complains to my uncle everything. Even things that she doesn’t know the root of. Tell me how can one just stay quiet I have started silent long enough. She can drive any sane to the break of insanity. And I’m one of them. My older sister and brother are so called ‘safe’ from her so is my twin. I’m left to face 2 people. My uncle and her. And when my mom had managed to tell my uncle a story that’s been twisted and turned by her, he will be running after me. I’m really getting sick of this life while my bloody twin is having fun. I’m not done renting out my angry but I’ll save ur guy the agony of reading a long entry.

2008-06-05T18:29:00.000-07:00

Ok went to watch sex and the city. This is a movie, you would wanna watch it with your girlfriends. If you are a fan of sex in the city. This is just a the movie for ya. It will make you cry, it would make you langh. It would make you wonder, will your girlfriends always be there for you. Titanic didn’t make me cry but this movie did. So watch it with you girlfriends girls. I’m glad I did.

So that was the only good thing that happened yesterday. My team didn’t have to mood to do our codes yesterday even hardworking Aisya. Neither of us could think.(brain auto shutdown) My mom was screaming at me because I went to watch a movie. COME ON! GIVE ME A BREAK! The last movie I went to watch was with my sister and bro-in-law. Don’t tell me the only time I CAN WATCH A MOVIE is with them. I HAVE A LIFE! I HAVE FRIENDS I wanna go out with. You don’t like it then too bad. I know who I mix around with. You didn’t like me mixing with Jun. I didn’t. you didn’t want me to mix with Ayu, I didn’t. do I have to be under your nose every single second. i’m not a bird for you to keep caged. I’m 22. I have a life. Don’t tell me if I have a shift job which most likely I will, you will call me every freaking minute. And if I have OT you will scream at ME! I believe you will.

2008-06-04T01:06:00.001-07:00

if only love was a subject in school. everyone would be Aceing it..dont you think so?

How Love-Smart are you?
Oprah's Prodigy

Oprah would be proud. You know what love is and what you need to do to get it. You show great sensitivity and seem to be able to read those subtle love cues. Ever thought of becoming a talk show host?

How Love-Smart are you? Find out at DatingTips.ws

2008-06-04T00:55:00.000-07:00

What personality elements make up your Personality cocktail?

How to make a Nazirah

Ingredients:

3 parts pride

1 part humour

3 parts leadership

Method:
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add wisdom to taste! Do not overindulge!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

2008-06-03T23:53:00.000-07:00

Ok loosing an ex-link card is not CHEAP! Damn! I had to pay $21 just to get a replacement card. JUST THE CARD! And I have to wait for 5 days before the Singapore Bus Service can refund me the balance on my card! So I have to wait for 5 WORKING days. That means I can only get the refund NEXT week.

Singapore is a really expensive country to live in…and they still want to get foreign ‘talents’ and expect Singaporeans to stay. Forget it man! If they can pay the get foreign ‘talents’ to work for them with a better pay then Singaporeans, fine. I might as well be a foreign talent in another country and get a better pay there. And our Minister Mentor said, “Singapore must remain a competitive society to generate growth year after year” ok I have to admit I’m not into politics but this is must speak up for. What do you mean by Singapore must remain a competitive society….one should always read between the lines. What it means is that Singaporeans have to work their ass off just to stay alive in Singapore. Look Singapore’s government is rich and they still want to squeeze Singaporeans dry. If the government continues to do as such...forget about having Singaporeans staying in Singapore. I sure am not gonna stick around.

And I've found someone who has written what I’ve wanted to say about this topic. Lucky Tan, I so agree what hewrote. And I think I better stop here before someone from the government reads this and I’m in shit. That’s what Singapore is good for anyway....

2008-06-02T18:23:00.000-07:00

DAMN IT!. Had a very bad start for this morning. Woke up with a headache again. Took a shower then went back to sleep and woke up late. Had to rush out and forgot my sweater. Managed to get the bus in time and fell asleep. Got up just in time to get off at the bus interchange cause I had to change buses. I was off the bus for less than 5 minutes and I released I didn’t have my handphone pouch with me. In 5 minutes my handphone pouch was stolen. I mean come on, the everyone got off at the bus interchange, it’s the last stop if someone did find it, it wouldn’t be so hard for them to hand it over to the service centre. STUPID Singaporeans! My EZ-LINK card and I had $20 in there. AAAARRGGGGGGHHH!!! To hell with the $20 just return my EZ-LINK card. And what’s worse is that my unlce DOESN’T have his car. And I’m fingers are gonna pruple again cause I forgot my sweater.........and since ALL my cash was in the pouch…NO LUNCH! DAMN IT!

2008-05-29T06:59:00.000-07:00

These are just random words from a heart that’s not at ease, stringed together.

There are so many questions one wants to ask…but no one wants to answer. During these times many things can run through ones mind and you can’t blame them. Fear is stronger than bravery itself. When someone is asking a question no matter how many times they’ve asked it, just answer. It’s a sign that someone just wants to be comforted. Sometimes they just want to hear more than just straight answers. Yes, they’ve asked that question a hundred times over but it’s a cry for comfort. Crying out for someone to just hold them and whisper the words they long to hear. People lie. Your loved ones lie. Sometimes to see what your next move would be or what you’d say next. They lie and say they are alright but they’re not.

Feelings are mixed up. The heart isn’t filled with beautiful poetry, or masterpieces anymore. Fear, anger, sadness, sorrow can drive one mad. Mad till the point they don’t know who they are anymore. Mad till they cry to themselves. They try hard not to show but when no one sees the true face behind the mask unveils the true that lies beneath. Because of that some lie. Some lie due to fear and so on….The heart is a funny place. It’s a place that ones broken it’s hard to fix.

SICK!!! NO!!!!

2008-05-25T09:59:00.000-07:00

GREAT! I’m down with the flu. And when the flu bugs hits the whole chain reaction would start. First the flu, then the coughs, next up the watery eyes and to complete the triple whammy the headaches or should I say migraines, which in the end makes me feel like I’m having a very very bad ‘hangover’ from partying the whole night, the night before. But I bet even those who party all the night wouldn’t get this kind of ‘hangover’ (not that I know this out of experience) even the slights irritating sounds for example some idiot who thinks his bunch of keys is a toy and some other stupid idiot who laughs out loud like a hyena (mind you it’s a girl and plus my music is on FULL blast on my headphones) so one can imagine how irritating that is. YES no joke that is how she’d laugh.

ARGH!!! I hate it when I have the flu. My fingers are turning purple. And mind you I have my sweater on and it’s still cold. Maybe it’s because my body has not adjusted well to cold ‘climates’. But I stand spending the whole day in the sun, thanks to all the camps and national day parades back in secondary school. But I just cant stand being in an air con room for very long. I wanna go home but I don’t wanna take an MC (medical certificate). I can’t cause I’ve taken like 4 L.O.A (leave of absents) due to my mom’s medical appointments. And I can’t afford to take too much MCs or L.O.A.s or I would have to face the board of Disciplinary. It’s not that I’m afraid of them. I’m not for I’ve done nothing wrong. In fact all my lecturers know the reason why I’ve to accompany my mom. They are just afraid that the board of Disciplinary wouldn’t understand. I don’t mind if I have to return back to school just to repay back the times I wasn’t in school (not that I want to). It’s my mom. She wouldn’t understand even if my uncle told her. Sigh…I WANNA GO HOME! I’m gonna skip lunch and SLEEP in the lab or maybe at a corner of some staircase people don’t use as much….

Killing My Heart, Soul, Mind by Chelsea Lybbert

2008-05-21T16:12:00.000-07:00

A searing pain stabs its way into my heart,

It grabs a hold and pulls the pain down,

The knife digs deeper and deeper,

It makes a line toward my chest,

My chest becomes heavy,

It's now difficult to breathe,

Something has a grab on my lungs,

And squeezes the life from me.

It wrings and rips my insides to pieces,

It's stuck on tight and won't let go.

Misery and desolation run through my head,

Causing the pain to soar again.

Thinking of you made me happy,

But the pain then came again.

Taking me over,

Taking me under,

Taking me down with it.

I spiral into depression,

A hold I cannot come out of,

A void of darkness,

A place of hatred,

A place of pain,

A place of death.

My soul struggles to be free,

My heart aches to be whole,

My head wants to be light,

I want to be able to breathe one more time

2008-05-17T01:52:00.000-07:00

Right…now staying in my room is a crime! Look I have freaking work to do. Is it wrong for me to be in my room? Why afraid that I might do something stupid, like kill myself? WHY CAN’T YOU PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! If you wanna control myself so much then fine. Get a rope tie me up so I can under your freaking noses 24 7. i’m bloody 22. Give me a life. My life! Having you controlling my friendships, invading my privacy is bad enough! Now I can’t be ALONE EVEN IN MY OWN ROOM. WTH is that? And the BEST PART, after all DAMAGE, you wanna be NICE to me. FORGET! You wanna turn everyone into my enemies, fine! You want me to be your puppet FINE! Go a head have your fun! I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY NOW!!!!!!!!!

ITS ALL OVER NOW!!!!

2008-05-15T21:27:00.000-07:00

It’s over….it’s all over! Ladydice is without a Master Dice. We are not even friends. Due to higher powers. But none the less life still has to go on. It would take some time for me to get use to it. But I guess I’ll survive. Things at home would change as well. As now I know I don’t have any sense of privacy. Ladydice’s private castle is destroyed……….DESTROYED! Right, now I’m just gonna pull myself away from people. Gonna start hiding in that little corner of my room once again. Which looks friendly right now….How did end up like this?! All thanks to some idiot who lost her camera in the HOUSE! Who the hell looses a digital camera in the HOUSE!!! And all the blame goes to me. I guess, the less talk the better. I’m going to implement the rule ‘speak only when spoken to’ at home from now on. Most people who know me very well would see the change. Especially my boss. But I don’t think I would change for the worst though. I guess, it’s for the best. And who said history doesn’t destroy the future….it does. All thanks to another idiot…
I know the song my blog is damn old but to me this song is the best that describe how I feel now.

A woman’s wants and needs

2008-05-12T11:25:00.000-07:00

Is it really true that we women don’t know the difference between w2hat we want and need or is it that the men just don’t get it? And are we such difficult creatures to understand. ? Do we have to put in point blank what we feel, want and need? What I’m writing is for all those men out there. I’m not…I repeat I’m not pointing to only one person but to all MEN.

Question: What do we woman what?
Answer:
• Someone to make us feel wanted.
• Someone who knows what we are worth
• Someone who would look over our flaws
• Someone who could read our feelings just by the look on our faces. I’m not talking about reading our minds. If you guys could do that…it would freak you out.
• Someone who would listen to us even when you don’t want to listen. Mind you, listen and SHOW that you’re listening. Acknowledge her that you are listening. And react to the whatever she’s telling you.
• Someone who would lead a shoulder to cry on. (Even if you are just her friend. if like her and want to win her heart, do just that.)

Question: what do we woman need?
• A hug when things start to go bad.
• Sweet words of nothings whispered into our ears such as I love you at a random time with her not expecting it.
• Complements. Complement if she looks good even if she looks bad. It would put her smile to her face. (If she has a black face on..Then think twice. If she a soft hearted girl like me then with all means say it. )
• Surprises. Women love surprises. So try not to ask if it’s not necessary. (but if you know her well enough then why the hell are you asking!)
• Someone to understand us and not put us in a fix where we have to choose. That would only spell disaster.
• Someone who to put a smile on our faces with the most simplest of things, a text message. Or if you are out with us get a rose. That would really put a smile on our faces after a long rough day at work/school.

Question: What we women don’t want or need
Answer:
• We don’t need anything expensive. (if the girl you have or running after has Paris Hilton material then something expensive would get her attention) but I’m writing on behalf of simple women like me.
• Smart mouths. Sometimes words can be a weapon of mass destruction in a relationship. It cuts worse than a knife.
• Cheap and cheesy pick up lines.
• Men who only talk about themselves and never wants to listen to what we want to say or get off her chest.
• Trying to control us and our life. NOW that is a NO! NO! We women want to be independent. So if we set a goal that you think we can’t reach, just support us for god sack. Let us know that someone is always there for support and that we not alone.
• Never, never change us for your comfort. We really hate that.
• And we don’t like to be the one giving in all the time. Stop taking and start giving will ya.

Well that’s all I can say. If anyone wants to comment about this entry. Feel free to comment on my tag bored…don’t have to leave your name if you don’t want to. Even if you are a guy.

i love this song

2008-05-08T19:46:00.000-07:00

Rihanna Lyrics
Take A Bow Lyrics

IT'S WORKING!!

2008-05-07T22:09:00.000-07:00

FINALLY, two of web pages are working…well the main codes are working. Thanks to Aisya who helped me to troubleshoot my codes she managed to get my register page working. She better at php then me… We just need to do some fine tuning. Which is just as difficult to do. But I’m sure we’ll be able to do it. The whole day I was freezing in the lab. And YES! I had my sweater on. I was wearing a long shelved shirt and I was still cold. My fingers purple. I think I should start wearing gloves as well. And the hot coffee I had didn’t help in fact it gave me a headache. Our “client” Alvin Phang was pretty happy with our progress. He said “Just want to let you ladies know, you’re doing a great job.” “Especially Gina” ok his last comment got me thinking….is there something going on behind the scenes here. HELLO! I wanna know! Yeah, yeah so I’m a noisy parker. I like gossips. I mean come on…all girls like gossips. Ok I better shut up now.

I can’t wait for Friday or Saturday night. Azmi passed me a dvd which has a collection of Sherlock Holmes stories. OOOOHHHH!!! I can’t wait. I’ve been a fan of Sherlock Holmes since I was 14. My eldest sis has the whole collection of his stories but she doesn’t want to let me read it…(sob sob) anyway, still getting late. I better get some sleep. Still feel a little upset about something just happened yesterday so I don’t really have the mood to talk just incase things get worse…oh well…I’ll get over it soon….like I always so…

3rd week of school.....

2008-05-05T16:55:00.000-07:00

It’s the 3rd week of school and I guess things are alright. I managed to get the register page 50% done. At least now, whatever that is keyed in will be placed in the database which is kinda a good start for my week. Hahaha…now all I’m left to do is to compare the usernames. So that there will only be one using a certain username. I have the code but the problem is when I use it my whole registration page doesn’t work. I don’t understand what the code is all about. Anyway I hope to solve the problem at least by tomorrow or Wednesday. And since part of my codes are working. I’ve finally got the mood to work. but I petty Aisya, she’s have a hard time with the login page, which is not that easy. Nonetheless I believe she’ll be able to solve the problem. She has that perseverance in her. Good Aisya! Need help I’m here.

p.s: don spend too much time on the server….i wanna use it too….. :P

Plus my right arm is hurting from the shoulder down. Thanks to playing badminton the whole weekend. It was fun…can it helps me sleep a little better. And since the bonus is that I can work on my FYP (final year project) from home. I only need to configure my laptop as a server and I’m good to go. But the only problem I have is the interconnection. So looks like I’ll be spending less time at home and more time in school and the CC where I have unless connection. And that would need my phone would be ringing nonstop. Yes! You guessed, it would be my mom. Anyway, I got to go. Gotta start searching for a solution for my prob…

worried abt FYP....? me...?

2008-05-02T08:53:00.000-07:00

Ok, my labor day didn’t turn out that way I wanted to. I woke up at noon. Thought I would stay home the whole day and not do anything, just stay in bed and not worry about anything. But when I woke up I had to do the laundry, update my mom’s bank book. Had a small fight with my twin (as always same topic, not helping out at home.) then played badminton with my old badminton partner Jason. Yes finally, I can start playing badminton again.

Oh and I don’t know why when I woke up yesterday, I was worrying about my FYP (final year project) it’s weird but yes I was worry about it. Just knowing that I can’t test out the database that my team member Gina had made, made me think if we could really finish the project in time. And FYI I hate men who are demanding. And our client Mr. Alvin Phang just had to mention to me that he can be demanding. I can’t work with men who are demanding. Women I can handle, men I can’t. I don’t know why. Anyway, a part of me is kicking me insde saying that I should be more optimistic and that my FYP project will be fine. Cause once Mr. Alvin Phang shows us how to connect to the stupid server. I might be able to do the project from home during the weekends. Therefore we’ll be able to finish it faster so that the three of us can go on our holidays and not having to drag our asses to school during the hols just to finish the project.

Sat and Sun OT!! WTH!!!

2008-04-27T23:00:00.000-07:00

Ok, firstly thanks mr steven lee. Somehow you failed to mention that my group and I had to assist a bunch to people in an internet marketing course. Which was quite interesting but someone just had to drive me nuts. Well there’s this guy. In his about late 50s or 60s. he jus kept on asking questions which I felt was not really that not relevant if he had been paying attention and not falling asleep. Aisya was the first to assist him and somehow passed him to Gina and then, she past him to me. I thought he was the innocent type. But he was another D.O.M…for those for you who want to know what I mean email me. And I’ll tell you. He just made me feel really uncomfortable with him. The others were fine and shall not mention names…but none the less. We had fun. Haha the notebook that I brought became a form of entertainment and gossip for us. HEHE! You should read it if you get the chance.

Ok ok I know we are supposed to behaving like professionals or at like business people and all but I mean come on. When ever he said something dirty he would look at me and every minute he would call me and ask me a whole lot of questions. But thank god its over. But feeling damn drained. Mr steven lee had better let us claim our Saturday and Sunday. Its considered OT (over time). Its not fair. This whole week 9 to 5. had plus I have not had enough sleep. I think I better sleep now too…nite see ya wouldn’t wanna be ya…oh and pics will be posted 2rw if i have the time and if i'm not as drained as today

peoms tat i describes how i feel rite nw...

2008-04-24T12:15:00.000-07:00

NOW WHAT

Pain filling my heart,

Pain filling my soul,

Tearing through my mind,

Leaving another gaping hole.

Wanting to escape,

Just to be free,

Leave this emotion behind,

Wanting to be left be

Looking across the room,

Scissors,

Razors,

Safety-pins,

Knives,

What shall it be this time.

Not wanting to die,

But wanting to get away.

Why is physical pain,

So much easier to endure,

Than the hole,

Growing deep inside,

Always carried with me,

Never to let go.

KILLING MY HEART, SOUL, MIND

A searing pain stabs its way into my heart,

It grabs a hold and pulls the pain down,

The knife digs deeper and deeper,

It makes a line toward my chest,

My chest becomes heavy,

It's now difficult to breathe,

Something has a grab on my lungs,

And squeezes the life from me.

It wrings and rips my insides to pieces,

It's stuck on tight and won't let go.

Misery and desolation run through my head,

Causing the pain to soar again.

Thinking of you made me happy,

But the pain then came again.

Taking me over,

Taking me under,

Taking me down with it.

I spiral into depression,

A hold I cannot come out of,

A void of darkness,

A place of hatred,

A place of pain,

A place of death.

My soul struggles to be free,

My heart aches to be whole,

My head wants to be light,

I want to be able to breathe one more time.

Peoms by Chelsea Lybbert

bloggin in school

2008-04-23T17:44:00.000-07:00

Ok so I’m blogging school. Finally we have to something to work with. Met up with our “client” yesterday and he happened to be the lecturer’s former student, Mr. Alvin Pang the creator of Gather Success (it’s a web site). So right now we have to create a web service for him. Somewhat similar to http://www.payperpost.com/. It seems easy enough. But due to having to work with a different web designing language we’re having a hard time. But rest a sure, my team will try our very best to make this work. It’s the 3rd day of school and finally we have our servers and software up and running (i just hope I configured the PCs right). It’s been a long day and what’s worse is that I’m done with flu and fever again. 3rd time this month. I guess it’s the weather. I’m sure it’s not dengue or anything. I just pray that everything will work out right for my team.
My darling Shalu is now under attachment with my favorite restaurant Secret Recipe. Not really very sure what she does though but she seems like she doesn’t like working there. Well…its gonna be a very busy 6 mths for me. So I’m not sure if I can blog often. Will try to update you guys as much as I can…I gotta before I get caught. Oh and Mr. B, where have you disappeared to….drop me an email alrite….

HOLS ARE OVER!

2008-04-21T19:36:00.000-07:00

Ok so the hols are over and a new year begins. The first day of school was scary for me. Kinda worried about my major project. And the fact that it’s a total new territory for us makes it even worse. But luck for us we got Mr.Steven Lee who’s the lecturer in charge. It’s a good thing and a bad thing. Good thing is he’s familiar with us and the bad thing is he has very high expectations for our project. Does any one know how to use PHP (new territory)? All I know is that it’s some kind of web designing code.. So my team has to start from the bottom. I just pray we’ll be able to fill it off. And what makes it even worse is that the project is given by a company outside of my school. So its and external project, done in-house (in school). Very high expectations are gonna drive me up the wall. Can I start to cry now…. (crying in a corner of room while rocking back and forth while chanting “Please let the project be easy, please let the project be easy.”)

Now that I’m in my final year of my poly life, it gets harder as right now we are treated like working adults. This means we have a clocking system. Clock in by 9 in the morning and clock out at 6 in the evening. I clocked in today but didn’t clock out cause I took an Approved Leave (not really approved just yet) Ya, first day of school and I have to take leave. Lucky for me, my lecturer or now known as supervisor knows what’s happening with my mom and why I have to take leave. I took 3 Approve Leaves at one go. Due to my mom’s medical appointments. But I cant take so many other wise I would be called to the principles office. And that would suck. And it would give a very bad impression. My twin had better take leave for some of the days or she will get hell from me. This time I would hold back. I’ve heald back long enough. Well anyway, someone has been a lil quiet the past 3 days. I’m starting to wonder why. Maybe, that someone is busy.

Oh and here are some pics from the make over…enjoy. (starting chanting again “please let the project be easy, please let the project be easy….”)

2008-04-11T13:34:00.000-07:00

Ok its been a while since I blogged. Well cant wait for school to start. Though a part of me is afraid for starting my 3rd and final year. After this I’m going to be out in the working well which I know is gonna be worse then school. Oh well…that’s life for you. Things at home have been slow besides the fact that I cleaned up the store and fell and hurt my back. But no worries I’ll be alright just need to rest up.

Oh and my girlfren has collected her make over pics. She looks cute. And I’m at worst model ever. The camera guy had a hard time taking my pics. Oh well… here’s a sneak peak of one of the many shots we took…enjoy….

not stopping at Dip....wanna go further.....

2008-03-27T18:30:00.000-07:00

Ok it has been a pretty slow day for me. Nothing much happened. Got to accompany my mom for her appointment tomorrow and get my file which I left behind in school like a month back.

I have to admit I’m jealous ofmy friends that have already graduated and are making plans to go in to SMU. Some are even planning to further their studies in MDIS. Yeah lucky for them their parents can afford it. I had been planning to get an Advance Dip in Information Technology after my Dip. And then head on to Degree. I thought I’d work first then take up evening classes. But when I checked out the courses available the fee are like a bomb for me.

Advance Diploma in Information Technology (Computer Security and Network) costs S$6.4k and that is only for full payment. It would cost more if I was to pay by installments and that would be like S$2.5k per installment for 3 installments. And for Advance Diploma in Information Technology (Digital Media) its costs S$8.8K. Forget about the installments. It’s like S$3.1k per installment for 3 installments. Where the hell am I to get that kind of money?

But I don’t want to just stop at having a Diploma (sob sob) forget about NTU my grades are no where near their minimum criteria. Looks like I have to look for an Adv Dip else where …if anyone has links to schools that have Adv Dip in Info Tech in Singapore…do drop me a tag and the url to the school. Thanks…

2008-03-25T00:00:00.000-07:00

Ok been pretty tired this week. Last Saturday’s birthday celebration was a success. Got like 2 bottles of perfume which indicates that I stink ha ha ha ha, a makeup set, cup cakes, a butterfly pin, an MP4 that malfunctioned when I downloaded some songs, a top, a skirt and lots of cash but the best of all the presents I got was chocolate fondue. It was mouth watering. I so loved. And I so gained a few pounds that I need to loose...ha ha ha another great thing was that my aunts from my mom side that I don’t talk to came. And I thought they wouldn’t. It was nice to see the whole family together. My friends came down as well. It was fun. There’s another one this Saturday and that party is between me and my girlfriend Siti. Don’t really know how many would turn up but I know it would be as fun as the celebration at home.

Now how can I forget my girlfriend? Shalu darling….how can I forget about you. Its just that we haven’t met during the hols. Anyway hope to see you at the bbq this Saturday..oh and don’t forget the presents. You’ve got to have 2 cause there’s 2 birthday girls….he he he he. Anyway the pics of the make over are not out just yet. Once I have them I will put the nice ones up. For now, I got to sleep. My sis needs help me to look after my niece and nephew. At least I have something to do. But there’s only one problem. I have to wake up early. So I best head to bed now.

Long week

2008-03-14T14:43:00.000-07:00

Well its been awhile since I blogged. Lets see where do I start. Well firstly I got my results back. NO SUP (supplementary) PAPER! WOOHOO! I had 2As, 2Bs, a C+ and a D+. WOOHOO! Yes I can enjoy my holidays at home. And I got my results in the A&E. my mom was admitted 4 days go. So I’ve been going back and forth. The only company I had were the nurses, my mom and my book, Sydney Sheldon of course. Almost done with it too. Other then that it has been slow. Don’t think I can get a job just yet cause my mom still not feeling that well.

While my mom’s stay at the hospital, I found out that 3 of my friends are nurses. HA HA HA cool! Somehow I feel that more and more people are becoming nurses. All the nurses there made my mom’s stay a pleasant one. They are really very friendly; it’s just the patients that tend to drive them nuts. But that’s the fun part of being a nurse; it’s the look on the patient’s face when they find out that their going home and stuff. I’m just happy that my mom is getting better and my results were good. They were better then I expected. So now I can rest easier at night. Talking about night, I’m gonna take a nap cause I did to help out with the sound system later. See ya.

Just one more year.....

2008-03-11T00:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes my dad really pisses me off. Had a very quiet day today. Woke up in the morning, cooked, take care of my sister’s kids then went for training and come home. But my dad just had to spoil my mood by telling me about what he thinks is good for the house. He insists on renting out the flat. Just because he refuses to pay for it just to get back on my mom. But he forgot one little thing, ME! Like I’m gonna let that happen. Worse comes to worse I’ll just quit school and get a job to “save” him the trouble of paying for the bloody house that he lives in as well. Even if we do agree on renting out the flat does he really think that it is cheaper to get a rental flat? My mom wouldn’t even be able to pay for a rental flat. She doesn’t have that kind of money. We can’t survive. Forget about my twin and me…I’m still in school. If I have a terminate job I don’t mind. Why is he so narrow minded all of a sudden. I thought he said “the only reason why I’m don’t want to sell the flat is because of the two of you” (2 of you refers to my twin and I) but don’t you think his words are a little cliché to you. I mean come on. His pay if enough to pay for the house. He doesn’t pay for the electric bill or water. And he only gives my and twin and me $500 and $50 for the other charges. This is just his way to get back on my mom. But does he realize that there are two other lives that are with my mom? Does he? Does he even realize that we are already trying our best to survive and now he wants to rent the flat. That’s like not fair. At least just wait till I get school over and done with and once I got a job then you can do whatever you want with this stupid house. But for now can’t you just hang on. I only have one more year to go. Just one year more that’s all I ask for.

CLEANING!!

2008-03-09T22:30:00.000-07:00

Today was a pretty busy and surprising my phone was quiet too. Woke up did the laundry, waited for Zack to come over. He had job week (Scout thingy) so he helped clean up the house. He cleaned the window grills, the ceiling fan, the kitchen windows which have not been cleaned since I don’t know when and the kitchen cupboards as well. And even that my twin was not grateful. I am glad that Zack was around. Otherwise I would have been doing it alone because my twin would most likely disappear to “distribute birthday cards”.

Ok now about the birthday. I don’t expect my friends to come over, plus I don’t have that much friends to begin with. And my twin is the one planning. She didn’t discuss with me what I wanted or whatever so ever so I have not intentions of celebrating it. All she did was ask me to invite my friend that’s all. And knowing her she’s gonna cook up a fuse about it later if we were to have one of those fights. And say she planned everything, she did everything. That is what pisses me off when collaborating with her. I tried so hard not to. I mean come on, your birthday is like any other day. You’re just telling the whole that you are a year older but no wiser. But as always I’m gonna keep my mouth shut. It’s HER day anyway. Hope she’s happy. Anyway really worried about my results now. I hope I did as well as I expected. Oh well…my wrist hurts due to the fall I had a few days ago and the from all that cleaning up…so I’m gonna rest up cause I have to go to my sister’s place in the morning again. See ya…

long day.....

2008-03-08T23:07:00.000-08:00

Its been a tiring day, went to my sister’s house in the morning. The kids were so energetic. They wore me out, man. After that I got home. My neighbor Tim and his sister Rachael called me down for Rachael’s birthday party so I did. Then I realized that another neighbor of mine had another celebration. So I went for two functions. Damn tiring but the food was good and so was the music. And imagine all of us grew up together. Rachael is a damn good dancer for her age. Oh and HAPPY 15Th BIRTHDAY GIRL. For a 15 year old, she’s good. I learnt something new today about the Indian culture. It was quiet nice. And the food…OH GOD! I was like a stuffed turkey on Christmas. They made me eat so much… its been a long day I’m gonna retire to my bed now…nite nite…

night light

2008-03-05T09:52:00.000-08:00

Had a very slow day today. Yet to get a call to confirm if I got the job. And my results will be release on the 13th and the 14th is my buddy make over day. Woohoo, how convenient that be? Just hope the make up would cover my puffy eyes just in case I cry the whole night due to not doing as well as I expected. And I did place a very high bar for myself this year. Just hope I can reach it.

Anyway, I was busy with my project. Made my own night light, not that I need one. Just did it for the fun of it. And I was fun doing it till my stupid glue gun blew up in my face and I twisted my wrist due to a fall. Don’t worry nothing serious happened, if any of you are worried? Need to get a new glue gun. Thanks dear, for the web site. Now I can make my own lamps just using LED lights and batteries. Might be doing one for my niece and nephews. Just need to save up. It’s like $20. And the fact that I don’t have a job yet makes it a little hard to save up. But nonetheless I will make at least one for the 3 chipmunks.

the truth hurts...

2008-02-29T22:30:00.000-08:00

Had a pretty long, tiring and depressing day today. Was cleaning up my room and the living room today. My room had been in a mess for weeks and I just had to get it cleaned up. When I woke up things were kinda okay. Got started on my room then my mom just had to call. She was bugging me to follow her to the CPF board but I still had lot to finish. So got into a little fight with and I gave up and gave in to her. But due to having the ironing and the laundry to do. By the time I finished it was 5 in the afternoon. My mom then had another plan to go the supermarket to get some stuff so I thought since I took so long with the ironing and laundry; I'd better just follow her to stop her from my day worse. After that I had to top my card otherwise I wouldn’t be able to take the bus tomorrow to my sister’s place. Went to the bus interchange with my girl friend Siti. She planned to have dinner. But I really wasn’t in the mood to eat. She noticed that I was different. But I told her that I was just tired. And that was a lie. And it didn’t make me feel any better. So in the end my girlfriend and me didn’t have dinner. The poor girl went to home hungry. She wanted to have dinner with me but I didn’t have the appetite. I promise Siti, I’ll make up for it. Maybe we’ll catch a movie ok. I’m so sorry.

You know, when people say the truth hurts. Which way is suppose to hurt? Is it the people whom you were honest to suppose to feel the hurt or you, the one who spoke the truth? Or does it work both ways? I told you the honest truth and you think its lame. I have nothing to say…if you are angry and don’t wanna talk to me then do so. Maybe I deserve it….maybe I don’t. I don’t know I leave it up to you…I really really don know what to say…only I’m sorry.

EXAMS ARE OVER!!!!

2008-02-28T23:00:00.000-08:00

Finally, exams are OVER and now I’ve to look for a job. Went for an interview today. Hope that I would get the job. Otherwise I would be dead bored at home. Anyway after the interview went to have lunch at this really cool place at Bugis Street. The food there is really good. It’s a restaurant but the food is cheap and delicious. The lunch set meal is S$9.80.

Lunch set: Soup of the day
Garlic Bread
Meal Dish
Drink
Desert.

All that just under S$10. I’m so gonna bring my family there. My niece and nephews would like it. The rest of day went pretty slow…gotta stay home tomorrow to clean up my room and the house. My room is a huge mess thanks to the exams. My books are all over the place. Anyway gotta go…need to sleep early tonight. Got to have an early start tomorrow.

NO MOOD

2008-02-21T21:50:00.000-08:00

Went to school to study with Yanling today. Everything was fine. After studying, went for a late lunch and early dinner. Everything was fine but my knee. It hurt like mad. I must have strained it on last Sunday’s event. Even with the knee guard it kinda hurt. I couldn’t concentrate on the conversation I had due to the pain. But I tried my best to pay as much attention as I could. After the meal I had to meet my boss cum uncle at lavender so I decided to take the train. I wasn’t paying attention to my surrounding. It was bad enough that my humor was taken away by the pain in my knee. Someone made a very hurtful remark while we were walking to the train station. He was making fun of a cyclist that passed us. I didn’t realize that there was one till he told me. And he made a very hurtful remark. Maybe to him, he didn’t see it as hurtful or that I wasn'y myself. But the reason why it was hurtful was that he couldn’t see that I was in pain. I didn’t laugh as much to him jokes. I wasn’t smiling. My replies to his questions were like as if i didnt want to answer or I mad something on my mind. My frens wld have noticed the difference. Ok maybe I’m over reacting. Maybe he had a good intention to make me laugh. But I mean come on, did you really have to make that remark…or maybe once again I’m over reacting…..

NO MORE PROJECTS!!!!

2008-02-20T22:35:00.000-08:00

Finally projects ARE DONE! WOOHOO! And the only thing I have to worry about are my papers. I kinda started studying on one of the modules. But I still have a whole lot more to cover. Thank god I know have 2 papers this semester.

Ever since I finished by projects, I’ve been in the mood of watch movies and I have. Haha haha…I watched JUMPER! It’s a really cool movie to watch. Man if only I could be a jumper, it would be so much fun. The only difference about me as a jumper would be…instead of jumping in a bank and stealing all the cash. I would just work hard for my money. But come on, wouldn’t it be cool to be able to jump from country to country. To see the world. Being able to be with get out of the bloody long traffic jams. Oh well, one can only dream about it. And even though I’m gonna have my holidays soon, I have a gut feeling that I’ll be heading back to school to study with my classmates. I cant really study by myself. Neither can I study in a quite room. As long there is a radio and food and good company then I’m fine. Talking about studying…I have to hit my books again. Catch you guys around….oh and mr.B thanks for the reply for the mr joker dude…miss ya write to me soon ok….we have to so catch up on life….

BACK TO SCHOOL....

2008-02-11T23:41:00.000-08:00

Ok long week end is over…*sob sob* back to school and to the stress of my stupid projects. It’s really braining my brain dry. The past few days I’ve been a tad under the weather. May its due to the lack of sleep and stress from school. Bad news was I had a presentation today so we have rush our report and project. BUT the GOOD news was my lecturer called in SICK! WOOHOO! No presentation. No presentation means more time to work on the minor problems, which would then me, one project down and 2 to go. And I got 2 papers I have to study for. Oh well, I’d rather suffer now then suffer later.

Oh and I hope I get the job that I applied for. Other wise I’m gonna be damn bored for 2 months. I ain’t gonna just sleep and eat everyday for 2 months. And plus, if I do get the job I thought maybe I would give like 200 or so to my mom, get a Nikon D80 and the others I save to pay my school fees. And plus if the job is good maybe I would work there as a permanent staff when school is over. If I’m not wrong it would take abt 3 mths before I can get my certificate. Anyway…that’s all for now, I need to sleep both Aisya and I stayed up to rush our report. I slept at 1 and had to wake up at 5.45. So one can imagine how tired and stressful we are… nite nite…