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Thursday, May 29, 2008

These are just random words from a heart that’s not at ease, stringed together.

There are so many questions one wants to ask…but no one wants to answer. During these times many things can run through ones mind and you can’t blame them. Fear is stronger than bravery itself. When someone is asking a question no matter how many times they’ve asked it, just answer. It’s a sign that someone just wants to be comforted. Sometimes they just want to hear more than just straight answers. Yes, they’ve asked that question a hundred times over but it’s a cry for comfort. Crying out for someone to just hold them and whisper the words they long to hear. People lie. Your loved ones lie. Sometimes to see what your next move would be or what you’d say next. They lie and say they are alright but they’re not.

Feelings are mixed up. The heart isn’t filled with beautiful poetry, or masterpieces anymore. Fear, anger, sadness, sorrow can drive one mad. Mad till the point they don’t know who they are anymore. Mad till they cry to themselves. They try hard not to show but when no one sees the true face behind the mask unveils the true that lies beneath. Because of that some lie. Some lie due to fear and so on….The heart is a funny place. It’s a place that ones broken it’s hard to fix.

~ { 6:59 AM }
reflections of you and me;

Sunday, May 25, 2008
SICK!!! NO!!!!
GREAT! I’m down with the flu. And when the flu bugs hits the whole chain reaction would start. First the flu, then the coughs, next up the watery eyes and to complete the triple whammy the headaches or should I say migraines, which in the end makes me feel like I’m having a very very bad ‘hangover’ from partying the whole night, the night before. But I bet even those who party all the night wouldn’t get this kind of ‘hangover’ (not that I know this out of experience) even the slights irritating sounds for example some idiot who thinks his bunch of keys is a toy and some other stupid idiot who laughs out loud like a hyena (mind you it’s a girl and plus my music is on FULL blast on my headphones) so one can imagine how irritating that is. YES no joke that is how she’d laugh.

ARGH!!! I hate it when I have the flu. My fingers are turning purple. And mind you I have my sweater on and it’s still cold. Maybe it’s because my body has not adjusted well to cold ‘climates’. But I stand spending the whole day in the sun, thanks to all the camps and national day parades back in secondary school. But I just cant stand being in an air con room for very long. I wanna go home but I don’t wanna take an MC (medical certificate). I can’t cause I’ve taken like 4 L.O.A (leave of absents) due to my mom’s medical appointments. And I can’t afford to take too much MCs or L.O.A.s or I would have to face the board of Disciplinary. It’s not that I’m afraid of them. I’m not for I’ve done nothing wrong. In fact all my lecturers know the reason why I’ve to accompany my mom. They are just afraid that the board of Disciplinary wouldn’t understand. I don’t mind if I have to return back to school just to repay back the times I wasn’t in school (not that I want to). It’s my mom. She wouldn’t understand even if my uncle told her. Sigh…I WANNA GO HOME! I’m gonna skip lunch and SLEEP in the lab or maybe at a corner of some staircase people don’t use as much….

~ { 9:59 AM }
reflections of you and me;

Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Killing My Heart, Soul, Mind by Chelsea Lybbert
A searing pain stabs its way into my heart,
It grabs a hold and pulls the pain down,
The knife digs deeper and deeper,
It makes a line toward my chest,
My chest becomes heavy,
It's now difficult to breathe,
Something has a grab on my lungs,
And squeezes the life from me.
It wrings and rips my insides to pieces,
It's stuck on tight and won't let go.
Misery and desolation run through my head,
Causing the pain to soar again.
Thinking of you made me happy,
But the pain then came again.
Taking me over,
Taking me under,
Taking me down with it.
I spiral into depression,
A hold I cannot come out of,
A void of darkness,
A place of hatred,
A place of pain,
A place of death.
My soul struggles to be free,
My heart aches to be whole,
My head wants to be light,
I want to be able to breathe one more time

~ { 4:12 PM }
reflections of you and me;

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Right…now staying in my room is a crime! Look I have freaking work to do. Is it wrong for me to be in my room? Why afraid that I might do something stupid, like kill myself? WHY CAN’T YOU PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! If you wanna control myself so much then fine. Get a rope tie me up so I can under your freaking noses 24 7. i’m bloody 22. Give me a life. My life! Having you controlling my friendships, invading my privacy is bad enough! Now I can’t be ALONE EVEN IN MY OWN ROOM. WTH is that? And the BEST PART, after all DAMAGE, you wanna be NICE to me. FORGET! You wanna turn everyone into my enemies, fine! You want me to be your puppet FINE! Go a head have your fun! I HOPE YOU’RE HAPPY NOW!!!!!!!!!

~ { 1:52 AM }
reflections of you and me;

Thursday, May 15, 2008
ITS ALL OVER NOW!!!!
It’s over….it’s all over! Ladydice is without a Master Dice. We are not even friends. Due to higher powers. But none the less life still has to go on. It would take some time for me to get use to it. But I guess I’ll survive. Things at home would change as well. As now I know I don’t have any sense of privacy. Ladydice’s private castle is destroyed……….DESTROYED! Right, now I’m just gonna pull myself away from people. Gonna start hiding in that little corner of my room once again. Which looks friendly right now….How did end up like this?! All thanks to some idiot who lost her camera in the HOUSE! Who the hell looses a digital camera in the HOUSE!!! And all the blame goes to me. I guess, the less talk the better. I’m going to implement the rule ‘speak only when spoken to’ at home from now on. Most people who know me very well would see the change. Especially my boss. But I don’t think I would change for the worst though. I guess, it’s for the best. And who said history doesn’t destroy the future….it does. All thanks to another idiot…
I know the song my blog is damn old but to me this song is the best that describe how I feel now.

~ { 9:27 PM }
reflections of you and me;

Monday, May 12, 2008
A woman’s wants and needs
Is it really true that we women don’t know the difference between w2hat we want and need or is it that the men just don’t get it? And are we such difficult creatures to understand. ? Do we have to put in point blank what we feel, want and need? What I’m writing is for all those men out there. I’m not…I repeat I’m not pointing to only one person but to all MEN.

Question: What do we woman what?
Answer:
• Someone to make us feel wanted.
• Someone who knows what we are worth
• Someone who would look over our flaws
• Someone who could read our feelings just by the look on our faces. I’m not talking about reading our minds. If you guys could do that…it would freak you out.
• Someone who would listen to us even when you don’t want to listen. Mind you, listen and SHOW that you’re listening. Acknowledge her that you are listening. And react to the whatever she’s telling you.
• Someone who would lead a shoulder to cry on. (Even if you are just her friend. if like her and want to win her heart, do just that.)

Question: what do we woman need?
• A hug when things start to go bad.
• Sweet words of nothings whispered into our ears such as I love you at a random time with her not expecting it.
• Complements. Complement if she looks good even if she looks bad. It would put her smile to her face. (If she has a black face on..Then think twice. If she a soft hearted girl like me then with all means say it. )
• Surprises. Women love surprises. So try not to ask if it’s not necessary. (but if you know her well enough then why the hell are you asking!)
• Someone to understand us and not put us in a fix where we have to choose. That would only spell disaster.
• Someone who to put a smile on our faces with the most simplest of things, a text message. Or if you are out with us get a rose. That would really put a smile on our faces after a long rough day at work/school.

Question: What we women don’t want or need
Answer:
• We don’t need anything expensive. (if the girl you have or running after has Paris Hilton material then something expensive would get her attention) but I’m writing on behalf of simple women like me.
• Smart mouths. Sometimes words can be a weapon of mass destruction in a relationship. It cuts worse than a knife.
• Cheap and cheesy pick up lines.
• Men who only talk about themselves and never wants to listen to what we want to say or get off her chest.
• Trying to control us and our life. NOW that is a NO! NO! We women want to be independent. So if we set a goal that you think we can’t reach, just support us for god sack. Let us know that someone is always there for support and that we not alone.
• Never, never change us for your comfort. We really hate that.
• And we don’t like to be the one giving in all the time. Stop taking and start giving will ya.

Well that’s all I can say. If anyone wants to comment about this entry. Feel free to comment on my tag bored…don’t have to leave your name if you don’t want to. Even if you are a guy.

~ { 11:25 AM }
reflections of you and me;

Thursday, May 8, 2008
i love this song

Rihanna Lyrics
Take A Bow Lyrics

~ { 7:46 PM }
reflections of you and me;

Wednesday, May 7, 2008
IT'S WORKING!!
FINALLY, two of web pages are working…well the main codes are working. Thanks to Aisya who helped me to troubleshoot my codes she managed to get my register page working. She better at php then me… We just need to do some fine tuning. Which is just as difficult to do. But I’m sure we’ll be able to do it. The whole day I was freezing in the lab. And YES! I had my sweater on. I was wearing a long shelved shirt and I was still cold. My fingers purple. I think I should start wearing gloves as well. And the hot coffee I had didn’t help in fact it gave me a headache. Our “client” Alvin Phang was pretty happy with our progress. He said “Just want to let you ladies know, you’re doing a great job.” “Especially Gina” ok his last comment got me thinking….is there something going on behind the scenes here. HELLO! I wanna know! Yeah, yeah so I’m a noisy parker. I like gossips. I mean come on…all girls like gossips. Ok I better shut up now.

I can’t wait for Friday or Saturday night. Azmi passed me a dvd which has a collection of Sherlock Holmes stories. OOOOHHHH!!! I can’t wait. I’ve been a fan of Sherlock Holmes since I was 14. My eldest sis has the whole collection of his stories but she doesn’t want to let me read it…(sob sob) anyway, still getting late. I better get some sleep. Still feel a little upset about something just happened yesterday so I don’t really have the mood to talk just incase things get worse…oh well…I’ll get over it soon….like I always so…

~ { 10:09 PM }
reflections of you and me;

Monday, May 5, 2008
3rd week of school.....
It’s the 3rd week of school and I guess things are alright. I managed to get the register page 50% done. At least now, whatever that is keyed in will be placed in the database which is kinda a good start for my week. Hahaha…now all I’m left to do is to compare the usernames. So that there will only be one using a certain username. I have the code but the problem is when I use it my whole registration page doesn’t work. I don’t understand what the code is all about. Anyway I hope to solve the problem at least by tomorrow or Wednesday. And since part of my codes are working. I’ve finally got the mood to work. but I petty Aisya, she’s have a hard time with the login page, which is not that easy. Nonetheless I believe she’ll be able to solve the problem. She has that perseverance in her. Good Aisya! Need help I’m here.

p.s: don spend too much time on the server….i wanna use it too….. :P

Plus my right arm is hurting from the shoulder down. Thanks to playing badminton the whole weekend. It was fun…can it helps me sleep a little better. And since the bonus is that I can work on my FYP (final year project) from home. I only need to configure my laptop as a server and I’m good to go. But the only problem I have is the interconnection. So looks like I’ll be spending less time at home and more time in school and the CC where I have unless connection. And that would need my phone would be ringing nonstop. Yes! You guessed, it would be my mom. Anyway, I got to go. Gotta start searching for a solution for my prob…

~ { 4:55 PM }
reflections of you and me;

Friday, May 2, 2008
worried abt FYP....? me...?
Ok, my labor day didn’t turn out that way I wanted to. I woke up at noon. Thought I would stay home the whole day and not do anything, just stay in bed and not worry about anything. But when I woke up I had to do the laundry, update my mom’s bank book. Had a small fight with my twin (as always same topic, not helping out at home.) then played badminton with my old badminton partner Jason. Yes finally, I can start playing badminton again.

Oh and I don’t know why when I woke up yesterday, I was worrying about my FYP (final year project) it’s weird but yes I was worry about it. Just knowing that I can’t test out the database that my team member Gina had made, made me think if we could really finish the project in time. And FYI I hate men who are demanding. And our client Mr. Alvin Phang just had to mention to me that he can be demanding. I can’t work with men who are demanding. Women I can handle, men I can’t. I don’t know why. Anyway, a part of me is kicking me insde saying that I should be more optimistic and that my FYP project will be fine. Cause once Mr. Alvin Phang shows us how to connect to the stupid server. I might be able to do the project from home during the weekends. Therefore we’ll be able to finish it faster so that the three of us can go on our holidays and not having to drag our asses to school during the hols just to finish the project.

~ { 8:53 AM }
reflections of you and me;