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Thursday, February 18, 2010


its pretty late now. i cant sleep. Things have been rough at home. the HDB bill came and its mounting to about $7000 plus. Last night got into a fight with my twin because of this. It’s not that I don’t want to pay for the bills but not all. if my pay was freaking $4000 I wouldn’t mind.


On top of that my mom has been bugging my uncle to ask me to pay for HDB. HELLO!! which part for I dont mind paying dont you people understand. And which part of I cant pay every FREAKING bill in house you dont understand. If you think I treat the house like a hotel FINE! GO sell this house give me by money and I will disappear from your lives. And please keep my friends out of this. They have no influence or what so ever on me. Just because I talk to them about wedding arrangements and stuff doesn’t mean that I would be getting married. What else do single women talk about. You should start to worry if my friends and I talk about sex or even having sex. Other than that STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY PERSONAL LIFE! I have the right to talk to my friends on anything I want to.


And if you think that i will be intimidated by you or Uncle Din FORGET IT! Even he has no control over me. I will pay the house but all I ask for is for someone to help contribute for the other bills. Is that so fucking hard. You say out loud that the drama mama of a twin i have gives you $250. Instead of spending it on your grandchildren who are very well off. Put the money to other use. And what about the cash your eldest daughter gives you. OH wait I mean your other daughter. You don’t consider me your daughter anymore. You only have 2 daughters right? When I ask you all this you tell me what? Its your money. I have no right to ask. I give you $200 each month cash in hand. I pay for the freaking PUB bill which is increasing every month I give you money to pay half the SCV bill and mind you I buy groceries sometimes WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT FROM ME!!! You want me to give you all my FUCKING pay and I just survive with only $200 every month like did for the past 4 years. DREAM ON!!!! Even if you kick me out of this house. I still can survive. Yes it’s be hard at least it’s better than living in war zone. This is one reason why I would rather stay in the office till late night. I have peace and quite.


At times the knife under my bed looks friendly. But I’m better than that. I’m not who I was before. This time I will continue my life but I will get out of yours. Thanks you know who you are....


~ { 8:07 AM }
reflections of you and me;


Monday, February 8, 2010


Ok work has been good so far. Before lunch managed to get some work done. I know I owe my Sir a few more things…I’m clearing them slowly. Other than that things are pretty okay. Went for my theory test today. I went for one yesterday as well. I planning to take the theory practice but blur me took the theory test where I am not able to see here I went wrong. But I took the right one today. So I will keep on taking the practice test till my actual date which is on the 5th of March. I really want to pass and get my licenses. At least I have a car to drive later…hahaha my uncle’s car.

So far everything in life is still the same. My twin still being a pain. My mom still takes her side. And I still have my 2 pillows to fall back on when ever I need to. And I am so looking forward to something happening in 3 years time…can’t wait for it. Sorry I can’t tell you guys anything just yet. I’m sure 3 girls would want to know. Sorry girls, you gotta wait. Hehehehe…I’m kinda in a happy mood today. One was because of work and another I will be meeting someone later today. I have not seen him in awhile. And I have training today. I have decided to take up my teakwando traning. Been in teakwando for years now. I stopped for like 2 years and now I am starting again. I left my squad with a brown belt hope I can take my black before the 3 year thingy…well only time can tell.

I should and better stop cause my Sir might some in anything soon cause lunch time is over. See ya…

~ { 11:22 PM }
reflections of you and me;


Saturday, February 6, 2010


Since the day you came along,
My life filled with love and joy.
But at the same time fear slowly crept in.
I am so ordinary, so plain
Yet you still choose me, why?
Things have been difficult since i said yes.
It’s not fair for you i know.
I have done and have said stupid things.
Yet you still said you loved me, why?

At times my mind runs wild.
Thinking of things I should not.
Is not that i don’t trust you, I do.
Its them out there that I do not trust.
I’m sorry if my thoughts hurt you.
I have no where to run but to you
I don’t want to keep things from you
But I’m so afraid of telling you
Afraid of what you might think
But the biggest fear I have
Is the fear of loosing you
Loosing you not to someone
But loosing to the things I do and say.

I cry because something wrong with me
I cry because I feel no one with me can console me
I cry because i am scared about loosing a relationship
I cry because my love is not with me
I cry because you could not understand why i am crying

These are just random words i have in my head now...I guess I should just let things be as it is and not make it worse. I shall just cry in silence once again so as not to hurt anyone. I’d rather hurt myself than to ever make him cry...I know someone of you might not understand this but than again who can truly understand unless you are in my shoes.

~ { 7:00 AM }
reflections of you and me;