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Saturday, January 23, 2010


My friends were right. Sometimes it’s a good thing to keep some things to yourself and don’t tell anyone NO MATTER how much it hurts or how BADLY you need to talk to someone about it. Cause in the end it would not necessary help you. It would just make it worse. I have always thought that I could talk to someone about things at home or about my life but I guess I shouldn’t, even though how close you are to that person.

From now on I will just keep things to myself and sallow the bitter pills life no matter how hard it is. The only down fall to doing that, is that it would be a ticking time bomb waiting to explode and when it does nor you or I can do anything. I would rather sallow everything quietly than to have to destroy a relationship in the midst of talking things out to a listening ear. I know it’s a little too late for a new year’s resolution but my resolution is to sallow the bitter pills of life and not look for a listening ear to ease my pain.

I tried to write a poem to express my feels but that seemed to fail as well.


In my garden there's a special place for you
Where you can come and chat with me
I'd love to have you anytime, be it day or night
The space I've made is sheltered, it kinda feels so right

The fountains there, reminds me so of you
The water trickling, so sweet and true
The flowers I’ve chosen, to grow along your place
The overhanging branches, will keep the sun away
That special place I made for you

But now I’ve burnt down that special place
With the things I say and do
Everything burnt to ashes
No more fountains
No more flowers
No more sweet memories to shelter me.
Tell me what am I to do
I am lost and I am loosing you

~ { 1:31 AM }
reflections of you and me;


Monday, January 11, 2010

MESS UP!!!
I have not blogged in awhile. Many crazy things have happened. The year didn’t start out so well for me either. Things at home are getting worse. The bills, the fights, the silence. And work. Don’t get me started on work. It has been rough. I messed up a lot of things. And something really MAJOR happened today. 9 very important and confidential documents went missing. I cried looking for these 9 documents the whole day in the office. For the first time I cried in the office. I know I didn’t receive these 9 documents but people say that they have dispatched it off to me. But I really really didn’t receive. I cried thinking what is going to happen. I don’t have the documents with me. I couldn’t find it. What will happen to my job? I cried while walking back home and at the back of my mind I know these documents are confidential and how could it have been missed placed. How? What will people think of my department now? I work in a place where people need to trust us. They need to trust that the information given is correct. But from the very start of the year till date I have messed up so much. I cried my heart out during lunch in the toilet. I just felt like I hit rock bottom. I just wanted to burry my head in the ground.

I hated how things started in 2010. I know tomorrow morning my boss will call me into his room and ask me what the hell went wrong. How the hell the documents went missing. How can one side say they have sent it off and the other say they didn’t receive it? How could such important documents go missing out of thin air? Okay he wouldn’t use the same words I use but it’s gonna feel that way in the office. I know I’m gonna break down. I know someone you might not understand what is going on. I’m just renting out…it’s the only thing that keep my head straight before I loose it. There are so many things that are running through my mind, it feels like its going to explode. A friend of mine suggested that I should take a few days off from work. But I can’t. Even if I do everyone has their plates full. I can’t give me work load to them just because I need time off from the office. It’s not fair. I guess I just got to face the firing squad. If I live I live…if I don’t…than I don’t…and I don’t mean die as in really die. In this case if I still have a job than someone up there still loves me and wants me to keep my job. If not than I got to hit jobstreet again.

~ { 4:12 AM }
reflections of you and me;