<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d3742617509956029559\x26blogName\x3dLady+Dice\x27s+Private+Castle\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dBLACK\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttps://ladydice.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://ladydice.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d-5591168784829330794', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

In my garden there's a place, a special place for you
Where you can come and chat with me, cos friends they are a few
I'd love to have you anytime, be it day or night
The space I've made is sheltered so, it kinda feels so right
The fountain in that special place, reminds me so of you
The water trickling, oh so sweet, your kindness is so true
The wooden chair I made for you, I hope it feels alright
It waits for you to fill that space, even if it's day or night
The flowers I have chosen, to grow along your place
Are wonderful and pretty, a sign of silent grace
The overhanging branches, will keep the sun away
That special place I made for you, please come and sit I pray


The rain is falling gently, as I sit and dream
About my love so far away, the rain is falling still
It would have been so awesome, if she was with me now
We'd sit and watch the rain, her love, my heart would fill
Her presence by my side, would feel so right to me
We needn't have to talk, just sit and watch the rain
We'd hold each other lightly, gazing at the drops
Thanking each other deeply, for sharing through our pain
I'd look into her eyes, and she in mine would see
A kinda deep emotion, of thanks for being here
She would know inside her heart, without me saying a word
She'd know she means the world to me, with me she need not fear


It’s the 3rd day of work and things are okay…so far not much work that needs to me done. I can’t really talk about work because my boss has already warned me not to blog about work. But I guess just mentioning that my work for the day was okay shouldn’t be much of a problem. Anyway, yesterday I had my 3D theory test. Hafiz broke into laughter when he read the test paper. Than I started laughing too cause he was laughing so loudly during a test. But nonetheless I had fun last night. I spent some alone time with him jus talking about his work and me talking about my work station and how I decorated it with pictures including his of course and also with my teddy bear. I thought of getting another teddy this time a teddy with a car or in a car. He…he some of you would know why already.

My next goal is get a DSLR and than driving license than a car. Well maybe the car can wait. but if I get my driving license within 3 years than before I get a car I’m going a head with my 3 year plan. And no I will not tell u guys what my 3 year plan is. It’s a surprise. Well, I got to go…lunch time is almost over and YES I am fasting…

~ { 10:31 PM }
reflections of you and me;

Thursday, August 20, 2009

If hugs were leaves, I'd give you a tree
If kisses were water, I'd give you the ocean
If smiles were rocks I'd give you a mountain
If laughs were sand, I'd give you a desert
If tears were stars, I'd give you a galaxy
If frowns were petals, I'd give you a garden
If feelings were time, I'd give you eternity
If words were feelings, I'd give you my heart
If friendship were life, I would give you mine
____________________________________________________________________

If you were a snow flake, I'd marvel at the beauty of your creation
If you were a rain drops, I'd lift my head towards the heavens so that I can get drenched with your love and affection
If you were wind, I'd allow you to steer me in the right direction
If you were a cloud, I'd let you take me site seeing all around the world
If you were lightning, I'd stand outside, not afraid and starein awe at your majestic power
If you were a butterfly, I'd open up the palms of my hand to ensure you of a soft, gentel landing
If you were peace, I'd close my eyes and enjoy every second of it
If you were all of these things, I'd wrap them up togetherand discover that I have found true love
____________________________________________________________________

Ok I’m on the phone with my darling while blogging. I had fun in school today and always my darling had his share of laughs. Mr. Romanzo our lecturer asked the students to look up for a piece of code to stop music from looping when not needed. He started juggling and almost burst into laughter why…because it’s a very simple code and Mr. Romanzo asked the students to Google the code. I have to admit the code is simple and I’m not surprised Hafiz started to laugh. Even I was laughing to myself when I found the code. And for those who don’t know that simple piece of code here you go…


soundObjectName.stop();
or stopAllSounds();


Fasting month is just a few days away and the 3rd day of puasa will be the 1st day of work for me. My boss message saying that there will be a lot of work to do when I come in and hopes that I can adapt to the working environment. That message scares me. I feel like I’m under a lot of pressure. And I’m scared its like taking an exam all together. but I hope and pray that everything would go smoothly and when I get my first bonus I’m getting a DSLR and no one is going to stop me. HAHA!!! After that I’m going out to snap pics for my friends and of course I got to have photos of my darlings. Hehe…

Things between me and Hafiz are okay. We are doing well. Everyone is asking me how are things between me and him. So I just prefer them to my blog and if you guys wanna see my darling pics view the past entries his pic is there. Anyway its getting late and tomorrow I have to sign my letter of appointment at MND at 11 in the morning…


~ { 10:26 AM }
reflections of you and me;

Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Good news and full of LOVE
I used to fly all over the world
Chirping along with my flock
Flying round and round and round
But now I am all alone caged here
Missing my friends and family
Above all, my freedom.
My feelings! The selfishmen never care
Chained me, wore me and tore me
My body, mind and soul their slaves.
A helpless tiny bird in hostel
What can she look forward to?
Will ever freedom come my way!
____________________________________________________________________

Run your hands through my hair
Gently touch my face
Smother me with kisses
Hold me if you dare
Gaze forever into my eyes
Cup my cheek in your hand
Trace my lips with your fingertip
Be my only desire

Hold my heart in your hands
Guard it with your life
Please don't break it
You know I can't take it
Please don't let it fall
You are my only desire
____________________________________________________________________


I’m missing you right now
Oh baby I do
I really wished you knew how much
I want to be with you
You make me feel so fine
And special all the time
Your hands are soft and gentle

Oh baby please be mine
I’ll treat you oh so right
I’ll hold you through the storm
And smother you with kisses
My heart will make you warm
I’m missing you right now
Each minute of the day
And pray that someday we’ll be close
Together we will stay
____________________________________________________________________

I official start work on the 24th of August. WWEEEEE!!!!! I’m both nervous and scared; because it’s my first time every working for people other than my uncle. And it’s like under Human Resource. Can’t wait to start. Hafiz doesn’t know about it yet. Gonna tell him today. I want it to be a surprise. Damn I hope he doesn’t read this. Otherwise y plans would go down the drain. I prefer to tell people close to me about this kind of good news. But I’m not telling my mom, yet. She will know but later. She’s gonna be asking me all sorts of question and I very “malas” lazy to answer her, especially when comes the question about my pay. My pay is not much but it’s enough for me to support my family and cover my expenses and save up for my future.

I’ve already gone shopping for my new cloths and make up. For the very first time I spent $60 on make up. Hehe… I’ve only got to get a pair of shoes and send my 3 pants for tailoring. I brought this nice purple top to match with my black skirt. That’s the first time I bought anything purple what more wear purple. But it’s a good change and I kinda feel I look good in purple. Hehe…I’m so excited to see my darling’s reaction when he sees me wearing purple. And the best part life has taken a good turn for me. I’m a little more happier than before…but fear will always linger. I have fear for a lot of things. Those who know me very well would know what kind of fears I have. Anyway, I got to end here to go to get ready for school and prepare dinner. See ya.

~ { 12:19 AM }
reflections of you and me;

Sunday, August 16, 2009
Fear, silence, angry...
Last week wasn’t a very good week for me. Every since the fight I had with my mom she’s not talking to me and she tells my uncle that she’s not talking to my twin either but in real fact we all know which is true. Anyway, my uncle asking if I wanted my mom to come along to johor so I told him its up to him. And when he did call and she did agree, my face changed. Come on she doesn’t want to talk to me. She says I’m worthless and useless and that me living on the streets is better for her, less headache. But than I just ignored it and went along. She tried to talk nicely to me but I didn’t entertain. She was talking about talked about leaving her current job and staying home. And she said that she wanted the keys to all the rooms so she could clean them up and stuff. HELLO!! Like I’m ever gonna give my key to you. HELL NO WAY MAN! Even when I didn’t give my key to you. You broke into my room, went through my things and broke the lock to my drawer just because some asshole lost their camera and I took the blame for it. What makes you think that I would give you the key? It’s like me giving the key to hell. And she went on talking about how things are gonna change at home, that she wants to so called renovate the house and all that. Do YOU have the cash? I sure don’t. I still have to pay for my stupid load that she insisted on me taking for school and lets not forget the house situation and the bills. At the end of the day I would have nothing to in my savings. You want to renovate go ask your favorite daughter for $$$.

So just because of all that it ended up in another fight with my mom. The only time she will be pleased she when I give her ALL my salary and she can do anything she wants with it. When HELL FREEZERS will that happen. And yesterday, I was planning to meet up with my loving BF Hafiz but it was cancelled. Who cancelled it? Me. Because my uncle made plans to go Johor. Hafiz was so cheerful when we first spoke on the phone and when I told him we had to cancel his tone changed he got moody and things went down hill from there. Even when I was talking to him last night he was a little moody so I just kept silent most of the time. I didn’t want to say thing. I was afraid that if I did say something it might make things worse. The pain felt like a knife cutting my heart open slowly last night. It was not because of what he said but it was more of what I did. But I’m happy that he said what needed to be said rather than he kept it to himself and than blow up in my face. That would really scare me. I’ve always been afraid when guys get angry. Those who know me will know the reason why…Right now I don’t know what to do. The fear is eating me up inside. And the only thing I can do is wait….

~ { 10:50 PM }
reflections of you and me;

Monday, August 10, 2009

Just because I’m not working and you don’t see me giving you money doesn’t mean I am useless…at least I don’t ask anyone for money. I work with my uncle got earn enough for me. But I still try to do my best to get a permanent job. You think I really wanna stay home. You want me to live on the streets FINE! But remember one thing DON’T REGRET what you say when it really happens.

I’m wondering how can a mother say things like. “Sending you to school is useless”, ‘You have your ‘Jantan’ (guys) to take care of you, what”, “Go stay on the streets less headache for me”. Get one thing straight. The one who has been there to get you out of the shit you put yourself into, is ME! The one who does things to make you happy is ME! The one who does the house work, the one who clean after you is ME! You did not put me through school! I did! I took the freaking loan because you didn’t want me to use MY money in the bank. I took up a freaking loan because of YOU and the one who has to pay is ME! NOT YOU! So don’t say you put me through school. As bad as my dad was he put me through school. He was the one who financial supported me when through it was a small amount. Even with that small amount I gave you more than HALF. I had to make do with what I had and never asked you for extra cash. Even if I did I PAID THEM BACK! If you really think I am useless than fine just tell me to LEAVE and I will be pleased to DO SO! Don’t have to show you anger so that I would feel bad about things. You don’t wanna talk to me FINE! That would make my life more peaceful. Being good to the family just gives me more problems. I cook, clean and clean after you people with an injured wrist, you never once asked what happened or if I went to get it checked. NEVER! I just kept silent. When I was sick you didn’t bother and when you are sick everyone has to tend to you…when you are home everyone has to be under your nose.

When I go out I don’t use your money. When I buy my things I never asked you for money. In fact sometimes when there is nothing to cook at home I buy the stuff to cook. If that is what you call useless than I don’t know what you mean by useful. Don’t worry I wouldn’t be around for very long. Once I’ve secured a stable job for myself I’M OUT! Than you are on your OWN! I’m useless so why should I even hang around….So don’t worry your headaches will decrease when I leave…

~ { 6:19 AM }
reflections of you and me;

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Okay from now on I will try to update my blog as often as I can. Didn’t have much of a national day yesterday. I didn’t go watch the fireworks like what I always do. Felt bored at home. got into a fight with my mom. Yea…yea…like you people have not heard that before. Well, after which I went out with my uncle to get my assignment scanned and than headed down to Bugis for some shopping. About my Hari Raya shoes and a shirt. So I’m only left with my Hari Raya dress. When I got home things at home weren’t any different. My mom showed me her black, pissed off face and my twin wasn’t around.

I felt hungry so I called up my friend Siti and asked if she wanted to have dinner with me. We had dinner at Junction 8. And I just realized that I’ve been thinking and telling my uncle that I was 22 when in fact I’m 23. I was like. Wait are you sure I’m 23. No lah I’m 22….What a blur….I don’t even remember my own age. But hey, no harm in being a year younger right…he he he

Well still have not found a job yet. Still waiting and the wait is killing me. Its more like people around me. especially my mom. Look its not like I want to stay home. Its not like I LOVE staying home or going to the CC almost everyday. One thing I know is that once I get a job 6 or 7 months later I’m getting my own rental room and stay on my own. Just like what my brother did cause my mom is pushing my to that position. What she did to my brother is what she is doing to me. But I might have a problem convincing my uncle. He wouldn’t really allow me to do it but if I explain and get him to understand I guess he would be okay. Well, anyway I’ve got head off to my uncle’s office got to help him out with some things. I promise I will try to update my blog as often as I can. And put up pictures too…

~ { 10:35 PM }
reflections of you and me;

Thursday, August 6, 2009
I'm Sorry...forgive me
Someone has made me realise why i get into trouble at times due to what i say. Well, i tend to tell someone something in an order some people might find it hard to believe. Like for example, usually people would tell a story A, B, C... but i tend to miss out B and tell it after C. So mine would be A, C, B. As you can see that is a problem. It was a good thing a certain someone special told me this. Now i know why people dont get what i say.

And I have another feeling that he thinks I'm angry. I'm not...really. infact i'm glad that he pointed it out. And I should be the one who says sorry. I know you are angry with me. Even though its something small for you, its a big one to me. Cause if i keep doing all this and if you put them all together it would turn out to be a hill of anger dont you think...

Thank you for pointing it out to me. And I promise I will try my best to change that. I have to change alot of things. But please do give me time to change. I dont know if I'm asking too much...but I'm really sorry about how things have turned out. No one deserves to go though all this, especially you. Forgive me.....

~ { 4:37 AM }
reflections of you and me;

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Take my hand and lead the way;
tell me all you want to say.
Whisper softly in my ear,
all those things I want to hear.
Kiss my lips and touch my skin;
bring out passions deep within.
Pull me close and hold me near;
take away my pain and fear.
In the darkness of the night,
be my beacon, shine your light.
In the brightness of the sun,
show me that you are the one.
Give me wings so I can fly;
for I can soar when you're nearby.
Enter my heart, break down the wall,
it's time for me to watch it fall.
I've been a prisoner, can't you see?
Break my chains and set me free.
Strip me of my armor tight;
you'll find I won't put up a fight.
Release my soul held deep within . . .
I'm ready now, let love begin.
by Ruth Kephart
Your eyes
which first held me captivatedwhere I stood.
Your smile
to dazzle the sunand warm every corner of my soul.
Your voice
like a sparkling mountain streamwhich flows into my heart.
Your walk
and the way your gracefulnesstakes my breath away.
Your hair
about which I dreamedcascading into my faceas you leaned over me.
Your hands
whose caress I craveto hold my facein their tenderness.
Your arms
I long to have around my neckas you pull me closeto your warmth.
Most of all
everything you arechanged the way I feel about my life.
I love you.
by Anthony West

~ { 11:28 PM }
reflections of you and me;

Alright its been awhile since I’ve written on my blog. Been busy with a 3 day silat competition held at Thomson CC and stuff. After the event I was sick and I’ve still not recovered fully yet. A friend of mine has been asking me out to watch a movie but I kept postponing it. Feel kinda bad for doing that but I had no choice.

I know I never really had much of a choice in my life. And to me right now it seems like history is repeating itself again. Mike had been telling me to get control of my life. Make my own decisions and all. For years I have not had the freedom to go out with my friends. And to tell you the truth that has not changed. Someone else now is in Mike’s shoes. Hafiz. I’ve got a strong feeling that Hafiz is also angry about what’s been happening around me. And I wouldn’t be surprised really. I mean come on, Hafiz and I use to meet up a lot and now the only time we can meet up is during class. Both of us are taking up a our NITEC certs at ITE Ang Mo Kio in Digital Media Design. School is alright. Hafiz is way better at design and animation than I am. He is REALLY good. Even our lecturer uses his work to explain a few things. He helps me out too…he he he….he helps me out with a lot of other things too. We only meet during in class all thanks to my uncle. I miss having my own life. Where I got out with my friends and do what a 22 year old does. It seems that everyone is controlling me. And my mom seems to be doing a very good job on that. All she needs to do is to call my uncle and she’ll get away with whatever she wants.

Just yesterday I washed the kitchen toilet, cleaned the ceiling fan and sweep the floor and oh lets not forget cleaning up after other people was well. And she calls up my uncle and complains to him that I didn’t cook. HELLO! Who the hell am I, a maid? Just because I’m not working I have to clean up after people. And people jus come home and do nothing. From now on I will just live life pleasing people and I’ll jus suffer in silence.

~ { 9:23 PM }
reflections of you and me;