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Sunday, October 4, 2009

It’s been awhile since I wrote. Things haven’t been as pretty as it seems. It’s been a rough week for me. Not work. Work has been fine. Well, I’m not really up to the standard yet but hey I’m getting there, I guess. Only time can tell. Though I did screw up 2 emails but I’m new and learning. I know it’s not a very good excuse but I know…I know I will get there just like how I got my diploma. I know I can do it. I bet some of guys at my work place are thinking I’m a little annoying because I keep asking about things. I hope they are not. They are actually a great bunch of guys believe me. They are different from the guys I know who are in NS. They are really fun to be with. I would not want to work with anyone else, really.

Anyway about having a bad week. Had a huge fight with my uncle and mom. I don’t why people say I have changed when clearly I haven’t. Why are people so afraid of change? I don’t change because of anyone. I changed because it’s about time. I couldn’t say anything or do anything before cause people at home say I’m useless and worthless and now that I’ve proven that I’m not like that they change and say I’m bad. Why do they make me the out cast. Why the double standard? Why just because I’m twins. Just because I have finally gotten what I’ve wanted it’s wrong. For once I wanna be happy. I don’t want to have to wear a mask every time. For once I wanna be me. I wanna stop being the girl that everyone uses and just throws away like a rag when not wanted. People tell me I should speak up but when I do suddenly its wrong. LEAVE ME ALONE PEOPLE! I wanna live my life the way I want to. I’ve got to learn from my own mistakes. I don’t want to always have a safety net under me when I fall. I want to be normal. I want to fall and get hurt. I want people to stop treating me like child. I’m freaking 23 for god sake. I’m a grown woman. In 3 years I would be married. Like or not you people will have to learn that!

Why cant people just be proud of what I have achieved and say hey you did a good job keep it up. Instead of saying that I did everything wrong when it was right. Why? Right now, I’m on my own. I have made that decision to be on my own. It’s going to rough but hey I’m tough. I will through this. And I know there will always be a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow for me. Everything happens for a reason. I shall take this as a challenge to make myself a better person.

~ { 6:53 AM }
reflections of you and me;