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Monday, January 11, 2010
MESS UP!!!
I have not blogged in awhile. Many crazy things have happened. The year didn’t start out so well for me either. Things at home are getting worse. The bills, the fights, the silence. And work. Don’t get me started on work. It has been rough. I messed up a lot of things. And something really MAJOR happened today. 9 very important and confidential documents went missing. I cried looking for these 9 documents the whole day in the office. For the first time I cried in the office. I know I didn’t receive these 9 documents but people say that they have dispatched it off to me. But I really really didn’t receive. I cried thinking what is going to happen. I don’t have the documents with me. I couldn’t find it. What will happen to my job? I cried while walking back home and at the back of my mind I know these documents are confidential and how could it have been missed placed. How? What will people think of my department now? I work in a place where people need to trust us. They need to trust that the information given is correct. But from the very start of the year till date I have messed up so much. I cried my heart out during lunch in the toilet. I just felt like I hit rock bottom. I just wanted to burry my head in the ground.

I hated how things started in 2010. I know tomorrow morning my boss will call me into his room and ask me what the hell went wrong. How the hell the documents went missing. How can one side say they have sent it off and the other say they didn’t receive it? How could such important documents go missing out of thin air? Okay he wouldn’t use the same words I use but it’s gonna feel that way in the office. I know I’m gonna break down. I know someone you might not understand what is going on. I’m just renting out…it’s the only thing that keep my head straight before I loose it. There are so many things that are running through my mind, it feels like its going to explode. A friend of mine suggested that I should take a few days off from work. But I can’t. Even if I do everyone has their plates full. I can’t give me work load to them just because I need time off from the office. It’s not fair. I guess I just got to face the firing squad. If I live I live…if I don’t…than I don’t…and I don’t mean die as in really die. In this case if I still have a job than someone up there still loves me and wants me to keep my job. If not than I got to hit jobstreet again.

~ { 4:12 AM }
reflections of you and me;