I had a GREAT day! I have missed laughing till i cried and its been awhile too...boy he made me laugh so much today. And not forgetting he forced me to eat...i have gained weight... :( i didnt even realised it till someone at work told me...but another someone is telling me not to loose weight...haiz...i guess i will maintain this figure for now....but really one of my pants dont fit me no more...haiz

And have you ever felt that you love someone so bad you that even when you are infront of them you are still very far and the only time you feel near is when that someone is in your arms....that was what i was feeling the whole week. I'm so close yet still so far...there were times where i wished if only time could stand still just for a few mins...I would have made that time worth wild...but too bad that only comes true in dream land....one can only dream for that to happen....which is what i'll be doing...

Things at home still the same. My mom not talking to me and my sis being a real pain...

But the shocker was what my uncle said to me today. These were his words "You have no time already you only have time for ur wrk" I was shocked. He said that just because all the computers at his place have got a problem with it and i dont know what the hell is wrong with it. And he said infront of a friend of ours...through out the whole nite he was talking and pin pointing my mistakes. You got a problem is it when people at work all me at night. They talk to me about work. What the hell is your problem?

I love my job and it going the extra mile if it helps me in my job i do it. i tried to hard to keep my tears back....i really could not take it. I felt like ppl closet to me have turned against me and have started hating what i do....its confusing....


These days i force myself to laugh...i make myself laugh and I always look forward to people who make me laugh...just to hide my tears away....so far it seems to work....lets hope it stays that way.

Damn it's been awhile
It's been awhile since I updated my blog...god almost half a yr. Well nothing much has changed. Everyone is still the same. My twin still being a pain. My mom still taking her side. But now a days I couldn't careless. I'll jus live my life the way it is. Even though at times I feel emotional, physical n mentally tired.

But I always find ways to keep my mind off things. Work is one. Work has been good cause of the ppl arnd me. Yes there are times when it sucked but there is always someone I can turn to talk. But sometimes telling too much may hurt the other party. I've been in that position too many times. And I usually hurt the only person I know I can turn too...and when that happens I find it hard to talk to anyone so I keep things to myself....haiz....life can be complicated at times and sometimes I wonder why I make even more complicated as it. Oh well, but that is liefe and no one is prefect...right?

On a lighter note....I got myself and iPhone woohooo and I'm so loving it...now I wondewr if I should get myself and iPad first or a canon camera cause my old canon camera is screwed up...and no amount of repair can help...hmmm...my birthday is coming soon should I get a wish list ready before anyone asks what I want...hehe it's see now...canon d80....iPad....new pair of heels but there is something that I have been asking for since I was 17...but I know it will nor come true....I wish that my family to go back the way it was before...where everyone sits down for meals...we laugh together...watch soccer...play cards.....guess Ive already asked for too much...

It's getting late and my heads spinning been that way for pretty long while...maybe it's because of the heat....well nite nite ppl.....

Sometimes being me sucks...sometimes I feel like just ending everything I have. Everyone thinks they know what's best for me. BUT THEY DON'T! I have lost everything i have worked so hard for. I am alone again. Alone in a cold and unfair world.

its pretty late now. i cant sleep. Things have been rough at home. the HDB bill came and its mounting to about $7000 plus. Last night got into a fight with my twin because of this. It’s not that I don’t want to pay for the bills but not all. if my pay was freaking $4000 I wouldn’t mind.

On top of that my mom has been bugging my uncle to ask me to pay for HDB. HELLO!! which part for I dont mind paying dont you people understand. And which part of I cant pay every FREAKING bill in house you dont understand. If you think I treat the house like a hotel FINE! GO sell this house give me by money and I will disappear from your lives. And please keep my friends out of this. They have no influence or what so ever on me. Just because I talk to them about wedding arrangements and stuff doesn’t mean that I would be getting married. What else do single women talk about. You should start to worry if my friends and I talk about sex or even having sex. Other than that STAY THE FUCK OUT OF MY PERSONAL LIFE! I have the right to talk to my friends on anything I want to.

And if you think that i will be intimidated by you or Uncle Din FORGET IT! Even he has no control over me. I will pay the house but all I ask for is for someone to help contribute for the other bills. Is that so fucking hard. You say out loud that the drama mama of a twin i have gives you $250. Instead of spending it on your grandchildren who are very well off. Put the money to other use. And what about the cash your eldest daughter gives you. OH wait I mean your other daughter. You don’t consider me your daughter anymore. You only have 2 daughters right? When I ask you all this you tell me what? Its your money. I have no right to ask. I give you $200 each month cash in hand. I pay for the freaking PUB bill which is increasing every month I give you money to pay half the SCV bill and mind you I buy groceries sometimes WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT FROM ME!!! You want me to give you all my FUCKING pay and I just survive with only $200 every month like did for the past 4 years. DREAM ON!!!! Even if you kick me out of this house. I still can survive. Yes it’s be hard at least it’s better than living in war zone. This is one reason why I would rather stay in the office till late night. I have peace and quite.

At times the knife under my bed looks friendly. But I’m better than that. I’m not who I was before. This time I will continue my life but I will get out of yours. Thanks you know who you are....